SEX AND MONOGAMY

Orlin Baev

web | Transpersonal psychology. Sacred sexuality

During the normal sexual intercourse and the activated by it hormonal processes, negative emotional states are activated in man. In psychology, it is known the mental mechanism projection, during which each mental state is projected on the people, with whom we communicate and tints each action through its prism. The mental state, in which we are, is a filter, through which our interaction with the environment passes.

Irritation, anxiety, depression and dysthimia (low mood) are raised in men (more clearly) and in women (more unconsciously) after the ordinary type of orgasm. When over the years, these feelings continue to be experienced by the couple after the sexual intercourse, unconsciously they are connected with our partner. Unconsciously, one begins to project his/her own negative emotions onto the partner, which is surely the beginning of family problems, scandals and conflicts and a herald of the emotional crash in the relationship. The partner begins to seem more and more gray and dull to us, and even repulsive. The initial passion turns into the yoke of duty. However, no one realizes that behind the emotional crash, specific hormonal changes caused by the incompetent use of this most powerful and unique power in us- sex, stand.

These hormonal changes are more clearly expressed in men. As a result, his love towards the partner quickly melts. The romantic love and passionate devotion disappear as if they have never existed. As the saying goes, a man begins to look around - even against his will, to seek another woman, with whom to experience again the feeling of passion and love. When he begins another love relationship, after the first weeks of passion, the hormonal imbalance again raises the negative feelings in question, the man once again becomes cold to his partner and begins to pursue a new conquest, a new woman, who to make him feel happy - at least for a while.

Coolidge Effect

Some time ago, the U.S. President Coolidge visited a countryside farm. The president lagged somewhere behind and during that time the farmer proudly showed Mrs. Coolidge the hen-house with the cock, which "can mate with the hens continuously without interruption, every day without a break." The first lady, with affected restraint, offered the farmer to tell Mr. Coolidge that, which he did without second thought. When the President received the message, he thought for a moment and asked: "With one and the same hen?". "Oh no, sir" - replied the farmer. "Then tell Mrs. Coolidge that! ".

The Coolidge effect is observed with all investigated animals: if in a cage with female rats, a male one is let, he begins to mate with the female ones, one after another, until it mates with all of them, then it sprawls exhausted in a corner. However, if another female rat is let into the cage, the male rat immediately finds new strengths and mates with it, too. It is not interested any more by the rest female rats. The same is the behavior of most of the domestic animals.

Coolidge effect is the natural inborn instinct that ensures the continuation of the genus, regardless the happiness of the concrete individual or the social relations of the human mammal. The Coolidge effect, even though in less degree, is also observed with females - they are much more willing to flirt and become closer with rather the new males, than the already known ones.

At the basis of such behavior stands the hormonal process of pleasure satisfaction. This process serves well for its purposes of preserving the genus, but has rather negative consequences on the mood and emotional balance of the specific individual, as well as on the harmony, happiness and stability of his/her love affairs, and hence on the social functioning as a whole.

It seems that nature has created the human species as polygamous and that promiscuity is biologically embedded in each of us.

Why, then, humanity has always placed monogamy on a pedestal and has always tried to change the primary instincts? Does it worth at all to strive for monogamy? Isn’t it easier and more normal to follow our natural call?

This call is natural, but has nothing to do with the human in us. It is a purely biological instinct of the body of a mammal, in which we reside. The sexual desire and body biochemistry behind it are normal as far as they are subordinates to the human cognition, wisdom and consciousness. If instinct leads, as it often happens, the humanity in man is disparaged, feelings become rough, thoughts converge around the everyday mediocrity, the light of consciousness decreases, the will power degenerates.

Exactly the mastering of the instinctive-emotional nature of the body of a mammal, in which we reside, is the key for revealing of the real humanity in us! As a natural product of the process of mastering of our instinctive nature is the need of monogamous life. When one tames the animal in him, he begins to feel the need of a long, satisfying not only the body, but also the soul, relationship of full value.

Coitus Sublimatus and Monogamy

Considering the holotropic meditative love intercourse, the rough passion transforms to tender deep love that lasts not only during the sexual intercourse, but spreads out into the everyday life of the couple. Love and tenderness established between them and this becomes the natural state of their relationship. The coarse material of the lust is transformed into the purely human feelings of joy of living together, admiration and fabulousness, inspiration and constant surprise by the beauty and qualities of the partner. So harnessed and sublimed, the instinct does not impedes the internal life of the individual, his/her social relations and love partnership and fills them with its vital power and pushing impulses of healthy ambition and joy.

Over the years, instead of mutual tiredness and boredom, they more and more completely merge the harmony of their minds until they become a part of a functional whole. Who then needs promiscuity? Why does one need to establish constantly new relationships, shallow sexual experiences, followed by crash, emotional breakdown and break-off?

As for the conscious person, who exercises his/her libido so that it to serve its higher cognition, the feeling of love and tenderness towards the partner just increases in the course of the years of cohabitation, behind which a stable biochemical and emotional basis stands. So, dear readers, if you wish to be internally happy and experience the relationship with your partner harmoniously, joyfully and beautifully, learn coitus sublimatus.

© Orlin Baev
© Galina Markina - translated from bulgarian
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© E-publisher LiterNet, 29.12.2010
Orlin Baev. Transpersonal psychology. Sacred sexuality. Varna: LiterNet, 2010.