SUBLIMATION. HOLOTHROPIC SEXUALITY
Holotropic means "directed towards the whole". In this sense "Holotropic Sexuality" means connecting our primary drives with our higher cognition.
All kinds of occult literature came out in Bulgaria in the middle of 1990s, including books on sexual sublimation. The libido is a mighty power. In essence, it is the only power we possess. Sexual power manifests qualitatively and quantitatively through the filter of our thoughts and feelings and materializes in our behavior. Sexual power is human energy, his/her vitality. It is the vibration that gives power and will to live and create. It makes a man to fall in love with a woman, and the woman to strive towards the man, it moves and inspires the writer’s pen and the painter’s brush. It makes intellect clear, bright and insightful and intuition powerful and deep. This power gives life and youth to everyone who possesses it. Its presence means youth and joy, its absence - old age and sickness. The wise men say that at birth each one acquires a definite vitality, which determines his/her longevity and prosperity in life. They claim that there are individuals who can keep and develop this power so that the process of getting old can be overcome. This is some kind of internal alchemy. Happy is the individual who can preserve even in his/her old age vitality enough to keep his/her mind, intellect and feelings healthy and working! The mental energy is the foundation of all human virtues bringing happiness and harmony to the individual and society. Behind Love, Patience, Humility, Joy, Quiet Mind, Self-Confidence, Courage, Kindness and Humanity, Selflessness and Freedom of Spirit, behind Brotherhood and Compassion, behind all intellectual achievements and the light of human Wisdom there stands the Internal Power. If the individual or society loses part of this power or degrades its quality, the inevitable result is losing all qualities, characterizing mankind as such and in the first and most important place, Joy, Joy of Life. And since Nature does not tolerate emptiness, when one debases his/her internal power as a result of disharmonious way of life, feelings and thoughts, an abyss opens wide within him/her, filling in quickly with characteristics, feelings and thoughts that are contrary in nature. An obvious example is the society we are living in, filled with terror, hate, aggression and cruelty, greed and selfishness, despair and depression, anxiety, limited thinking and ignorance. How can one control the urge of his/her impulses and cultivate his/her sexual power so that it fuels the advance and development of his/her spiritual power? In the usual case, one is completely controlled by his/her impulses - immediately after irritation he/she urges to satisfy them and get free from the tension. But, exactly this tension can lead him/her through the river of oblivion; make him/her crack the nutshell of ignorant blind and limited existence so that he/she to be born again as a True man and a Universal citizen. I am speaking metaphorically and literally. Love and Will, which at conscious human level are unified, in this case, they manifest themselves as the polarities of lust and hate, libido and mortido, sexual and aggressive impulses, as psychology defines them.
Psychologists know well that libido power is the foundation of all human manifestations - from the most basic to the highest ones. Suppression of this power leads to progressive mental disorders, psychopathologies, perversions, neuroses and psychoses. Giving out to the libido impulses also leads directly to degradation of the quality of one’s emotional and cognitive life, of his/her ability to love, think and anticipate, to feel joy and enlightened consciousness; it leads to brutalization and mental weakness (psychastenia)! How then that sexual power to be mastered if both suppression and giving out to its impulses lead to devastation? How can a conscious human being react, when striving towards self-knowledge, development of his/her cognitive abilities, creative impulses and love? My personal painful experience of devotion to both extremities has taught me that neither suppression and denial of that power, nor complete surrender to its impulses is the optimal attitude towards it. The process that succeeds in channeling and mastering this power so that to serve the development and progress of our souls is called Sublimation. Sublimation is a term known from chemistry and physics, where a substance turns from solid into gas state under high pressure and temperature. The term is introduced in modern psychology by Sigmund Freud and Carl Gustav Jung and it, like many other terms of theirs, has penetrated semantically into every language on Earth. Synonyms of sublimation are:
The last two terms: Transmutation and Metamorphosis are superb equivalents of an advanced sublimation, which brings forth processes known to Transpersonal Psychology as Samadhi, awakening...
Ten years ago, after reading the books on Tao Yoga by the American citizen of Chinese origin Mantak Chia, as well as some Tantric methods, I began actively to test and practice the methods, described in those books - micro and macro orbit, inner smile, bone and skin breathing, merging of the five elements, sperm-and-ovum Cung Fu, formation of the inner pearl and its formation into a body of light... I can’t claim that during these ten years I have advanced much in these methods - but I do not stop trying. The purely Chinese approach of very specific, too detailed description and mapping of the steps of the alchemical process is a practical key, which can be used by each school for inner development. As Kabala, and particularly the Tree of Life, is a universal key, which can unlock the doors to understanding each esoteric school, so the practices of Tao and Hindu Yoga are practically a master-key to the doors of inner self-knowledge, which is the aim of all transpersonal psychological systems. In the beginning the practices correspond to a budding consciousness and are psycho-physical methods. Later on, when these methods are mastered and automated, the practices raise to a higher psycho-spiritual level, where the role of intuition, abilities to pray, visualize, concentrate, meditate and contemplate is enormous.
The physical technique for sexual sublimation (sexual grafting) consists of wilful mastering of orgasm during sexual act and its redirecting from the lower centers towards the brain and subsequent descending again to the lower centers. In other words, the above mentioned sublimation and condensation is practiced. Sublimation of the power of the instinctive drive to love and light, followed by their condensation and getting back to their impulsive basis, which is thus mastered and cultivated. At the purely physical level the process consists of drawing of the pressure from the lower centers towards the brain with the help of certain muscular contractions, deep breathing in with the upper part of the lungs, directing the eyes upwards between the eye-brows and the top of the head, and focusing of the attention upwards. Supposedly, one who tries these techniques should have certain experience in the theory and practice of the sciences about the mind, be able to concentrate, feel his/her inner energy, and has practiced breathing and meditation. The main instrument of directing the energy of orgasm towards the top of the head is attention and thinking. After some period of practice, it is enough just to draw attention towards the top of the head, looking upwards and breathing in lightly, in order to redirect the energy. But, if one is not experienced, the main factor for stopping the discharge of sperm and directing this energy inwards and upwards, are the muscle contractiosn and deep breathing in. The muscle lockages are a method in yoga called badhas, while in Tao Yoga they are called pumps. In Hindu Yoga this method is called bandha traya, triple lockage, and in Tao practice - the triple pump.
The Triple Bandhas:
A Brief Description of the Practice:
We are making sex with our beloved. We feel that just a little while longer and orgasm could not be controlled in no way. We stop the sperm discharge through pullingg the power, but we experience complete orgasm - this is when 95-99% of the "normal" orgasm has been accomplished. We stop penetration and go out of our beloved. We feel that though we are out, the energy continues to rush down and if we don’t do something, the semen, or tigle as the Tibetans call it, will flow out. The next elements that we do simultaneously are the following:
- We direct our fully concentrated attention towards the top of the head. This is the most important element of the technique and in the course of time when the process gets more and more automated, this remains the only thing we need do in order to redirect the pressure upwards. The power of orgasm violently draws the attention down so that it is important to have steady, determined and strong concentration!
- We direct the eyes up between the eye-brows and the inner vision towards the top of the head - in the course of practice, it turns out that the energy follows the mind, and the eyes are direct manifestation of mind (thinking). Directing them to a certain point leads to flowing of the energy into that direction.
- We deeply inhale once with the middle and upper part of the chest. Usually yoga techniques recommend deep abdominal breathing, but in this practice a quick, comparatively deep and directing the energy upwards inward breathing is required. When we breathe-in and keep the air in, the energy automatically goes up, incited by the process of inner passion, nurtured by breathing. When we get short of breath, we exhale and breathe in again, meanwhile performing also the rest of the technique, until we master the orgasm.
- We do bandha traya, triple lock - it is especially important at the beginning of learning the technique and always when we have come too close to releasing the semen. Let us describe in detail the three bandhas, which we perform at one and the same time:
During the practice we might need aid the process and together with the bandhas, the inhalation, the concentration of the attention and eyes upwards, we contract also the muscles of the legs, the fists and the jaws.
While inhaling, the eyes and attention are immovably fixed - the breathing-in with extended chest, the attention and the eyes looking towards the top of the head, bandha traya is practiced with strong and even pulsations, which force the energy upwards and inwards.
Attention: if we have reached too close to the moment of releasing tigle (the semen), the moment of passing from inhibition in one of the pulsations to relaxing and next pulsation may be fatal for the semen releasing. That is why, in such cases, you deeply breathe in, relentlessly directing the look and eyes upwards and perform bandha traya without pulsations once and prolonged, intensively for about ten seconds, until the orgasm is under control. Then breathing gets to normal.
The control over ejaculation leads to much more joy in the act and experiencing a sequence of orgasms, as well as to keeping an orgasm for a couple of minutes.
Sex is a powerful impulse in the whole universe at all its levels of existence. The same is valid for the microcosm, called "man". We cannot give up on sex. If we do it, we will be dead corpses. We cannot suppress it, because this will make us ill. The only thing we can do with this basic power, penetrating into every word, gesture, thought and feeling, is to elevate it to higher experience. To sublimate it so that to make it closer as far as will and destiny allow us, to its primal source. The inner meditative sexual act is a step in the process of sublimation of sexual energy. I think that each disciple who has seriously chosen the road to knowledge within any spiritual-and-psychological system needs to learn the methods of sublimation during sexual act in order to be able to supersede them one day and pass to the next step. If sexual act is not consciously experienced, if we have not learned to turn it into prayer and meditation and just try to step beyond it, an empty space will remain in our life, which will have to be filled up. This filling up may occur by sexual impulses appearing under the form of psychological disorders of various nature. If we are not Teachers of course, or very advanced disciples, who in previous incarnations have worked through the accomplishment of their sexual impulses at the basic level and are now ready for their finer manifestation. But how many are they? The facts of distortions among monks of all spiritual trends and the constant vain struggles of the sincere, but deprived of the right tools disciples from the esoteric schools are indicative of that.
When a man or a woman master their orgasms, processes, different from those of the usual sexual act, occur in their bodies and psyches. Sexual drive is actually the basis of our biological and mental functioning. The same impulses, which drive us to strive for pleasure and escape pain, when sublimated, manifest as selfless Love and altruistic help. In transpersonal psychology, as taught in the schools around the world, the foundation for further development of the Disciple of a spiritual school, is celibacy, brahmacharya. However, it can be complete abstinence from sexual contact or completely controlled and mastered sexual act.
What I write is mainly a result of my personal experience and I do not pretend to represent in no way any school. Books and schools that have inspired me are different, but they have always been a foundation for my personal work and process of seeking, while my approach is predominantly scientific, containing, analyzing and synthesizing all teachings and systems, which I have touched upon, in order to reach the Teaching of my own inherent path, which leads me along the road of my personal empiric experience towards knowledge. I have always been an adherent of the comparative study of the diverse psychological, scientific and religious systems and not of one school or trend. When a person has a global vision, he/she reaches the source of all systems, which are the different streams flowing from one and the same source - Knowledge. If I mention different teachings, I refer mainly to their inner implicit directions and meaning, and not to their popular side.
Direct! According to the level of development of our mind, we experience sex either as a brutal animal manifestation or as a natural expression of our Love. And the vice versa is also true - the way we do sex can make us rude, sick, rob the shining of our eyes, but it can on the other hand, be a stepping-stone to super-conscious wonderful experiences, as well as introduce us into spheres of Love and harmony, which will empower us and stay days after the act itself.
The truth is, that if one masters the described techniques and other occult methods, but lacks a high level of consciousness, the same techniques that would lead one to wonderful non-dual supreme states, in such a man would only satisfy his/her egotistic needs and motives. In the esoteric psychological schools of the East, sex is included in the whole process of development of the mind only after years of hard discipline, mastering of body, intellect and spirit through hard testimonials and when the selfless universal Love has blossomed within the soul of the Disciple. Sex is the core of human nature. It is his/her main element. If it is experienced at a lower level, it literally burns down the nervous system, sucks the power, exhausts the whole psycho-physical organism, limits the mind and leaves the lovers plundered. This is a state in which the brief bursts of rude passion are inevitably followed by their opposite-pole correlatives - hatred, irritation, weakness, fear, alienation, dullness and monotony! Sex is a powerful fuel. The only fuel we possess. It depends on us how we will use it. Either we harness it into our natural mental, spiritual and power system, or we pour it out into the furnace of passion, where this fuel will briefly warm us only to leave us in emptiness and darkness, burnt by its flames. At a fine energy level, there are channels within us, which are part of the structure of our fine energy body, the body of light. If we do the sexual act in the regular, universally distorted way, the fuel of our sexual power never reaches these channels, but is being used only at its starting point, in a raw form, at its lowest point of manifestation. When we learn to use the only fuel within us - the libido - in a way that nourishes our energy body, strengthening our vitality, joy and the light of our mind, then we acquire the chance to experience sex and respectively our whole life at a more powerful and happy level, and raise our mind to new bounds - those of extending cognition and love.
When man strives for the Truth and feels that the "normal" way of experiencing sex, which the zombie form of mankind has fallen into, prevents this striving then he/she makes efforts and studies physical techniques such as the above described. They are nothing but techniques, which is only an instrument. This, however, is an important instrument, since without it no matter how sincere our urge for the light may be, they would be always cut down by energy and biochemical processes. The techniques have been described in many books and I don’t think to dwell on them any more. The way they are described above, they could save tons of literature, where these techniques have been veiled behind symbolic and fable theories.
When the technique has been learned and the couple controls their orgasms, their energy is being directed from the genitals through the spine towards the brain, which saturates, towards the organs, which it heals and fills up with joy. The inner organs, according to modern physiology, as well as the ancient yoga systems, are related to certain emotions, positive or negative. They are like storehouses of energy. The Libido, in holothropic (directed towards wholeness, meditative) sex, is not lost, but balances the emotional state of the couple, clears the negative emotions in the organs, replacing them with their positive equivalents at more and more fine level. The brain fills with vital energy, higher cognitive functions blossom and develop, and the nervous system balances its energy flows. Passion, that has been the starting point of the man and the woman, lifts up in a natural and direct way to higher Love. The energy exchange in such a couple acquires a completely different form from that of an ordinary couple, who remain at the level of passionate sex. The energies of both of them interweave to such a degree that they become one whole. The mind experiences this energy unity as a complete identification with the other, loss of individual borders. Love to the partner becomes so intensive and refined that bodies, souls, minds and spirits become ONE. In Transpersonal psychology this is called a state of Dual Unity. I would call it Non-dual Unity, since the sense of separation from the partner vanishes in the embrace of the fine Love. This state can be experienced also by an ordinary couple, mainly at the earlier stages of the relation and before they have come up to sexual relation - during the state of falling in love. But when they rush in the whirlpool of sex, when they have no knowledge of the human way of experiencing it, based on energy, hormonal and brain transmitted changes in their psycho-physical organisms, this state is lost for weeks and even days!
Unlike the primitive performance of sex, the sublimated sex or coitus sublimatus, harmonizes the inner energetic libido flows and brings them closer to their source, the pure supreme Love, which encompasses everyone and everything, Love, which is a state of mind! After such an act of sublimation, instead of the irritation and stagnation, which follow the "downward" sex, Love is transferred into life, in the daily life of the beloved - love and beauty, which they experience in each of their actions and spheres of accomplishment.
At the higher levels of the art of alchemy such a love act not only harmonises the emotional, cognitive life and health of bodies of the practitioners, but also directly nourishes the fine energy body in them. This is the body, which in the north Buddhist schools is called Nirmanakaya, the body of the rainbow, of the light, of Bodhisattva. In the Christian mysteries it is called the body of fame - in which Jeshua (Jesus - Greek) appeared to his Disciples after his crucifixion. In Tao Alchemy this carrier of mind is called immortal body, because, in it, the cycle of birth and death is stopped and the thread of mind is never again broken. But this is a higher stage to which many of us now only strive.
Sex is the only energy, which one has at his/her disposal. The energy is always sexual, bipolar, revealed through different in quality, bearer of mind. The sexual power is also called neural, mental, power of the will, mind power, love power. But no matter what degree of consciousness is revealed, basically, the power is always sexual. Each idea would have stayed vain, if it has not been activated and pushed by an insisting and feeding it up sexual power. Each feeling demotes in quality and turns into its antipode, if its is not fed up by the vitality of the bursting sexual energy - Love turns into passion and hate, Joy - into fear and gray despair.
In principle, all earth bodies - organic and inorganic, are condensed energy, condensed sunlight. The decrease of the power in the organic system of the human organism burns his/her existence to the ground and leads to diseases, aging and death. According to the transpersonal psychology, the physical body of the man with his/her genetic programme is only one of the possible bearers of the consciousness. There are possibilities for manifestation of the human cognition much more qualitative and wide-ranged along its boundaries of perception, possibilities for cognition and realization of the absolute humanity in a man. These are potential possibilities for self-realization of the human cognition in more delicate, energy exponents of the consciousness. The wise experimenters from the transpersonal psychological schools around the world say us that these exponents - bodies and their development and manifestation in the process of our short life, define the degree of healthiness, the duration of out life cycle, the power of the mind, the quality of our emotional life and the power of our will. Metaphorically, these seven bodies are compared to the Russian nested doll (Matryoshka doll) with its seven, placed one inside the other, components. These bearers of consciousness are energetic and each next of them manifests the energy of a higher octave and quicker vibration.
One of the major concepts, concering sex, is libido. In the psychological circles, usually, libido is a synonym of the mental energy. This is exactly so, of course, but the word ‘libido’ has one more meaning. After a word for word translation from Latin, libido means desire, emotion. The etymology of the notion libido is really connected, successfully, to the semantic intensity of the word.
The sex and the emotions in us are inseparable. They are one whole. The quality of our sexual life and the quality of our emotional life are so interwoven that practically they are one whole. As much as we realize and experience sex in a rude animal way or in a sublimated form, our emotional life manifests either as primitive affective sex drive and primary narcissism or as emotional intelligence, harmony and happiness.
At a cerebral level, the basic emotional dichotomy: passion - aggression/fear, is activated by the same structures that lead the sexual pleasure drive. The sexual passion and its product - strive to pleasure correlates in the brain with the chain of the pleasure reward in the cores of the septum in the limbic system. This chain is directly connected to the amygdala - another structure in the limbic system, which leads to the primary sex driven binarity: struggle (aggression) - flight (fear). When, because of ignorant sexual abuse in the chain of pleasure, dopamine collapse is coming, the amygdala gives out its primary commands for aggression/fear. When the dopamine chain of the pleasure functions gracefully, originated by a qualitatively differently experienced sex intercourse, the impulses of the amygdala sublimate, because of the fear and its other face - the aggression, to a creative work. The mentioned structures are the supreme regulative centers of the vegetative and hormonal systems, and its activity changes qualitatively and quantitatively the hormonal balance and the intensity of the blood plasma. The biological correlate of the emotions of a man is exactly the vegetative and hormonal system, the old brain structures under the cortex and the oldest partition of the cortex - the limbic system. In this way, the quality of the experienced sexual life directly defines also the quality of the emotional life of the man.
The personal experimental empiria of the author of this book, backed up by the experience of the thousand transpersonal researches of consciousness, explicitly proves the direct relation between the supreme capabilities of the individual and the quality of the experienced sexual life. I will note the three degrees of experiencing sex and their relation to the cognition of the personality.
1. An ordinary sex intercourse with primitive orgasm.
During the ordinary sex intercourse, the sex energy is used in raw form, and the emotionality is sustained in rough embryonic state, at which the interests and aims of the individual do not differ qualitatively from those of any animal species. The love is belittled to carnality, the creativity to aggression, the braveness and happiness to fear and dullness.
The cognitive capabilities, in this way of experiencing sexuality, always stay within the frames of banality, of the average gregarious mass of people - marionette of their destinies. The average peaks of the cognition are quickly stifled by the biochemical, emotional and behavioral patterns, provoked by the standard sexual process.
2. Coitus Sublimatus (holotropic/sacred sexuality)
The holotropic sexuality gives an opportunity to the process, called ‘man’, to function in a more optimal hormonal regime, which premises the possibility for the development of harmonious emotionality, of emotional intelligence, which to serve as a stable base for the steadily developing cognition. The consciousness of the individual who practices holotropic sexuality is naturally filled with the light of the supreme cognition. The undeveloped passive by this moment brain zones begin to awaken, and the self-consciousness to widen its horizons.
When the consciousness of a man matures to the extent that it manages to combine his/her psychological antipodes implicitly, the process of individualization (Jung) progresses so much so that the individual achieves a new degree on the road of harmony and self-development. He/she merges his/her internal man and woman, Anima and Animus, left and right brain hemispheres in a harmonic unity, which raises his/her consciousness to a higher octave of functioning. The cognitive functions begin tangibly to develop their quantitative and qualitative parameters. The working memory (RAM equivalent of the artificial intellect) increases its power. The long-term memory becomes more and more accessible and events, which have been forgotten long ago, can be reminded by the constructive memory. The imprinting of new memory traces becomes tangibly deeper and quickly. The analogous mental process of the human processor - the brain - goes off intensively and quickly. The perception of stimuli improves its quality and, combined with the optimized memory and thought, allows the instantaneous processing even of the most insignificant details of the human non-verbal communication, as well as of all changes in the context. The will, the supreme cortex inhibition functions step into their predetermined role of main mental integrative center!
The cognitive changes in question are implicitly accompanied by the appearance and amplification of the internal light - the light of consciousness. This light is not an abstract symbol, but is a real presence in the inner mental life of the individual. Light - saturated with joy and vitality.
In the process of studying the ancient systems for psychological development and the contemporary science, I noticed lots of compliances and analogies between them. My studying continues and will continue till my last gasp in this "sinful" world. But, here are some analogies that came to my mind.
The tree of life, the astrological mandala, the yoga, tantra and Buddhist systems of centers, channels, energy centers - on one hand and on the other - the contemporary description of the human anatomy and physiology. We know that the above ancient systems describe symbolically and schematically the whole Cosmos at one level, our Solar system - at another, as macrocosmos, and on the other side, the human microcosmos - as their direct analogy. And it is not only that. The ancient systems in question describe the microcosmos of the man, as well as the macrocosmos of the Universe, at many different by its vibrations levels, which are also symbolized in the mandalas and schemes of astrology, the tree of life and the other esoteric systems.
What impressed me, however, is the full analogy of the contemporary physiology with the above mentioned schemes. For example: the central channel in the esoteric systems - sushumna, as well as the central column in the tree of life, is a direct correspondence to the spinal cord in the human body. Two side-columns in the Kabbalah tree of life, as well as the two nadis - ida and pingala - directly correspond to the spinal-brain nerves, which are intertwisted in exactly the same way as in the descriptions of the channels, given in yoga and tantra. Something more - in the Buddhist and in some yoga schools, the side channels are described as straight, and not as intertwisted. In the anatomy structure of the human body, they can be juxtaposed to the two truncuses of the sympathetic system on both sides of the backbone... The brain is more and more completely studied nowadays. However, it is still known little about its higher functions. For example, it is not by chance that in the symbol "the Sceptre of Hermes", the brain is displayed as two wings. And indeed, the development of our higher brain functions, which are not limited to the concrete-operational logical thinking, will give a man wings. Wings of his/her spirit. Because all spiritual experiences, processes, bodies and spheres of functioning and life manifestation have equivalents in our biological body. May be, diagrams like the tree of life or the esoteric schemes and mandalas, at one level, have displayed exactly the human physiology. In a rather roughly sketched out way, without having the pretensions of the incredible preciseness of the contemporary science, they have given an idea for the inner human system. The thing, in which the contemporary cognitive science and medicine exceed them, is the detailed mapping and studying of all body structures. However - as complete schemes, which express life manifestations in its completeness, at all levels of vibration, as well as the connection between the universal macrocosmos and the human microcosmos, the ancient doctrines and their representations are unique and matchless! The contemporary science for consciousness - psychology - fortunately, resembles more and more to the wisdom of the ancient sciences, by connecting them to the extraordinary achievements of the contemporary braches of science.
The sexual energy is the link, the power, which activates the processes in the micro and macrocosmos at each level of their functioning. It is the power, which realizes the bipolar nuclear reacts of the suns, makes the planets to be drawn up round their stars, incites the minds and the hearts of the people, gives life and joy in their hearts and light in their minds. It is always dichotomous (binary) - in/yan, male/female, plus/minus... The mastering of this power in the man is of fundamental importance for his/her prosperity and development as consciousness, and thence as socially manifested processes and collective harmony, too.
Some time ago, I was impressed by the closeness of the words Harmony and Hormones. I asked myself - whether the spiritual, mental, mental, cognitive, affective and body harmony is not reciprocally connected to the operation of his/her endocrine system? Actually, from the point of view of the doctors, the hormonal balance and harmony are an equivalent to the emotional, mental and spiritual harmony. I would say that the hormonal balance and the mental balance are closely connected and interdependent, without equalizing one of them to the processes of the other. According to the contemporary science, consciousness is a side product from the biological processes in the body. The ancient science tells us that, actually, it is vice versa. In fact, the body and the spirit are just different degrees of vibration of one and the same thing - the life! And the connection between them is direct. When we change our mental predisposition, the hormonal production changes right away. Similarly, when the complex functions of our endocrine system change, our emotional and cognitive state changes instantly. Regarding sex, as I already mentioned, the varying by breadth and insight in the mysteries of life consciousness experiences sex at one or another level, and it can either exalt or brutalize his/her consciousness. The hormonal and mental processes are so intertwisted that each division is conditional.
The contemporary science goes forward more and more bravely and gradually goes out from its infantile haughtiness. Little by little it appreciates the wisdom of its wise parent - the ancient eternal science. Let us see what happens when men and women "make love" in the widely spread and primitive way ...
Orgasm looks very much like a heroine injection. Identical biochemical processes are activated. During orgasm, the level of dopamine suddenly increases. Oxytocin and endorphins are produced. At a mental level, this process corresponds to the maximal passion (dopamine), which is translated into the bliss of the oxytocin, endorphins and enkephalins. Actually, this is a hormonal and mental sublimation of passion to bliss and love. However, it continues only a few short seconds or minutes. After these minutes, the level of dopamine (passion), together with it the endogenous opiates (endorphins and enkephalins) and the oxytocin (the tender pure love and joy), suddenly goes down, and is substituted by repulsion and distance towards the partner, irritation, state of depression, fear and weakness. These mental consequences from the "normal" orgasm are dictated by the following hormonal-mediator chain, identical to the one of the narcotic dependence. It is released Cyclic adenosine monophosphate (cAMP), which activates CREB (cAMP response element binding) proteins, which are a translating factor for the dynorphin - the evil cousin of the endorphins, as it is called in the medical circles, because it has an opposite effect. The dynorphin decreases suddenly the level of the dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins and suppresses the cycle of the pleasure reward in the portion of the limbic system, which realizes, at the highest level, the emotional and hormonal regulation - the kernels of the septum. When the cycle of rewarding is stopped by the dynorphin, the amigdala gives out a command to the hypothalamus, which regulates the hypophysis, and thence the hypophysis activates all the rest endocrine glands in a regime of struggle or flight; it activates the stress mechanism. As a result of that, the adrenal gland secretes adrenalin and cortisol - the stress hormones. The big passion and pleasure of orgasm is followed by a sudden drop of the hormones, which are responsible for the joy (the endorphins and the enkephalins), the love of supreme type (oxytocin) and passion (dopamine). This directly reflects in one, more or less realized, mood drop, which is hormonally strengthened by the dynorphin and the activated by it stress hormones - adrenaline and cortisol. This is what happens after the ordinary orgasm to both sexes (the process is more delicate and unconscious if we speak about women). As for men, the process is strengthened by the loss of testosterone. This loss also evokes and activates the secretion of the stress hormones, which activate a process for its restoration. At an emotional level, the lack of testosterone is experienced as irritation, increased fear, decreased will, broken ambition and initiative. The difference, after experiencing an ordinary orgasm, between the two sexes, is that the emotional drop of the men, because of the hormonal reactions, is sharper and deep. The mediation and hormonal processes in women, during orgasm (orgasms), pass more fluently, the mood drop is more bearable and smaller and it is, more frequently, experienced at a subconscious level, from where it acts as unconscious impulses in the woman’s mind! Because of the more delicate mechanism of the process, most women rarely make any connection between their "normal" orgasm and the impulses, which, because of an inexplicable for them reason, make them irritable, nagging and depressive. Men at middle age, however, no matter if they want, usually, manage, more or less consciously, to see the direct relation between the mental weakness, their lowered mood, fear and loss of tonus - and the sex. They manage, because this relation becomes more and more apparent in the course of time, the decrease of the energy reserves of the organism and the decrease of its hormonal saturation...
Together with the secretion of dynorphin, another translating factor is produced, Delta FosB, which causes an obsessive thirst for the action or the substance (sex, drug, food, power, etc.), which have caused the pleasure experiences of the dopamine, endorphins and ocsitocine. The effect of Delta FosB, i.e. the compulsive thirst for the substance or the act, which have caused the pleasure, continues weeks and months after the effect of the dynorphin and the performed intercourse has abated. The process is identical to the drug addiction. The limbic cerebral system registers orgasm pleasure experience of supreme type at both of them.
As a result of this obsessive thirst, one seeks more and more sexual stimuli, which bring him/her a momentary relief, followed by a prolonged hormonal and emotional imbalance. The process leads to the development of sexual addiction. Because of the common physiological and hormonal base in the process of development and maintenance of the addictions of all types, this sexual addiction easily causes other addictions, merges into them, because they are only an outer express of one and the same brain biochemical mechanism - they have a common somatic root! In this way one, who is sexually addicted, easily develops food and alcohol addiction and is predisposed to with psycho-active substances abuse. It is strange how one thinks so little over these familiar to the ancient wisdom from long ago facts.
From the above mentioned follows that the process of orgasm, experienced in the way, defined by our body nature, predisposes strong tendency to development of one or another addiction. When a man ejaculates in the "normal" way or a woman experiences her "natural" orgasms, depending on their consciousness, the psychological reaction, which comes a few hours after that is more or less realized irritation, oppressing and pushing need of new pleasure at any cost, increasing the level of anxiety and neuroticism, indecisiveness and decreasing of the feeling of self-confidence.
Together with the secretion of Delta FosB, the quantity of the secreted prolactin increases suddenly. Prolactin has many functions. Some of them are studied for the first time. It seems that one of the functions of prolactin is to regulate the sexual desire. According to the scientific researches (Kruger, 2003), after the sudden lowering of the levels of dopamine after a sexual intercourse with an ordinary orgasm - the level of prolactin increases in both men and women. During investigations with rats - up to two weeks after the copulation, the level of prolactin is higher (Polston, 2001). Prolactin has the opposite to the dopamine effect and it depresses and oppresses. The increased level of prolactin correlates with the feeling of despair, unhappiness, hopelessness, sexual impotence, depressiveness and lack of motivation. At abuse with the sexual function, the extreme increase of this mediator and hormone leads to heavy mood disorders. At a more moderate usage of the "normal" sexual orgasm, the mental experience, which is in conformity with the intensity of prolactin, is the feeling of gray dullness, boredom and loss of that life fabulousness, which is characteristic for an individual with qualitatively different hormonal balance. Evidences for the above statements can be found in the experiments of (Suleman, 2001) - right after closing of wild monkeys in cages, while they are trying actively to escape, the level of cortisol in them increases. However, when, after a few days they surrender and give up trying, prolactin increases in them and their mood changes to silent hopelessness and depression. The investigations show (Heaton, 2003) that the states, which are associated with the increase of the level of prolactin, are loss of libido, changeable mood and depressiveness, hostility, anxiety, headache, infertility, accumulation of kilograms.
The bad news is that in order to deafen the negative emotional reactions, one flings again into the brief experiences of sex with peak orgasm. While he/she is doing this, the emotional imbalance subsides, but only a few minutes after the end of the intercourse, the hormonal imbalance deepens. Dopamin decreases even more, prolactin increases more, and the thirst, caused by Delta FosB is painfully increased. Emotionally, the process is experienced as a strong drop of the mood, depression, anxiety and aggressiveness. The thirst for pleasure experience and stopping of the negative emotional conditions becomes irresistible, and the overall mental state - unenviable. In order to compensate the caused imbalance, one starts to feel need of other drugs, which temporarily soften the discord in him/her: alcohol, sweets and other high-calorie foods, the drug of the aggressive behaviour and violence, etc.
It turns out that the ordinary peak orgasm has a powerful effect on our mood and is no more different than any other chemical drug. The ordinary orgasm, as other drugs, is a temporary relief, which only strengthens the vicious circle of emotional and hormonal peaks and breakdowns. The limbic chain of pleasure (orgasm) reward, which controls the sexual instinct, is the one that also leads all other addictions. In this way the incorrect usage of our sexual function can directly push us towards the development of narcotic, alcohol or food addiction. The experiments show that hamsters, after copulation, are much more susceptible to amphetamines than the hamsters, which are still virgin (Bradley, 2001). Amongst sexually active teenagers is observed higher level of drug usage than amongst sexually inactive ones (Columbia University, 2004).
The animal impulses in the ancient part of the cortex - the limbic system - which command a big part of the biochemistry and emotional life of the contemporary individual, are programmed so that to serve for the purposes of survival of the human genes by putting the wellness of the individual aside. The ancient impulses, pushing one to sexual intercourse, aim at procreation of the genus. They provide the gene transmission, no matter what is the concrete state of the individual. However - I wonder if in the contemporary conditions of overpopulated planet, we have so big need of "propagate and multiply" line of action? The question is rhetorical... In order to express and develop the human in him/her, one must realize the processes of interrelation between him/her, i.e. the supreme purely human cognitive structures and the primary sex driven and affective impulses of the subcortex. Become aware of them, harness the powers of the animal in him/her, so that it to serve to the human in him/her, and not vice versa!
The addiction in the human organism is dictated by the process of compensation in the limbic system, in the zone, raising the primitive emotions like fear, lust, pleasure, sex attraction and drive, nourishing drive, etc. In the eons of development of the human body, the evolution needed a sure mechanism, which to ensure our species reproduction. Each of us has inborn impulses, which push us towards the pleasure derived from food, sex, towards power in the social processes, make him strive towards satisfying of pleasure and running from pain. The chemical substances of the drugs affect exactly this most intimate mechanism. The taking of the dose of a stimulant is being identified, by the amigdala in the brain of a man, as an action, leading to more complete satisfaction of the procreating libido-sexual functions, as well as an action, satisfying the hunger or obtaining of attention and power within the society. The effect of the drugs is similar to the one of eating, sex, pleasure obtaining, which is registered by our brain as positive for the purposes of human race reproduction. And exactly here, the ancient mechanism of our old brain structures, meant for protecting and immortalizing of our race, plays a trick to the one, who has dared to try drugs. One begins to take drugs consciously or in imitation, frequently because of out of ignorance with regard to their effect, and quite often because of certain peculiarities of his/her upbringing in his/her earlier years. But, whatever the reason is, if it continues, at a level of biochemical, hormonal, mediator and mental level, processes, which lead to a severe chemical and emotional-cognitive addiction, go on in him/her. When the dose is taken, the transmitter dopamine increases drastically in the human brain. This experience is similar to the sexual orgasm, which, however, lasts longer and is more powerful. In the same way as during the sexual intercourse, eating and the pleasure derived from the social importance and obtaining of attention, endorphins and enkephalins, bringing joy and euphoria, are being secreted. But, this does not last long. Soon, Cyclic adenosine monophosphate (cAMP), which activates the protein CREB (cAMP response element binding), is secreted. The latter is a translating factor for the mediator dynorphin, which stops the secretion of dopamine and inhibits the cycle of pleasure compensation. At an emotional cognitive level, this process is experienced as depression, anhedonia (low-spirited), despair, lack of energy, insomnia, etc. After a long usage of the substance or execution of the act, which causes this process, the stopping of the stimulant leads to abstinence.
Together with the secretion of dynorphin, the secretion of another translating factor is activated - Delta FosB, which causes painful "thirst", compulsive strive towards the substance or the action, which has caused the orgasm (as such are identified by the limbic system) experiences. This obsessive desire lasts weeks and months, long after the action of the inhibiting effect of the dynorphin has faded. Over the course of taking drugs, their quantity has to be increased, because of the increasing of the tolerance of the organism towards them. This is a vicious circle, which can be interrupted only with lots of bravery, determination on behalf of the patient, with the help of an experienced and devoted to his/her work therapist and the biochemical support of the methadone effect. The people, who have come under this vicious circle, against the common opinion, are not weak or stupid. No - just the effect of the above described psycho - biological process is so powerful that everyone who has allowed himself to develop addiction, experiences inevitably strong cognitive and affective changes, influencing his/her social behavior, too. The thirst for drugs at emotional level, caused by the body biochemistry, is so strong that the addicted is ready to do anything in order to get the means, with which to obtain the next dose.
That is what was shared, with a stunning sincerity, by one of my acquaintances, who have successfully passed through the hell of addiction:
"The physical addiction after the first dose is one of the most dangerous delusions! Especially, if is presented by an authoritative source - a parent, a teacher, a doctor. Actually, there is no such a thing. The first 7-8-10 doses, even taken within consecutive days, without rest, DO NOT CREATE NEITHER PHYSICAL, NOR MENTAL ADDICTION. On the contrary - there are not any unpleasant consequences. And this is one of the most perfidious sides of the opiates. Usually, the one, who tries for the first time, has some experience with alcohol and the hangover afterwards and expects such an effect after the first dose. He/she injects heroin, he/she begins to feel warmth, pleasure and looseness and that lasts for 3-4 hours. After that he/she falls asleep. If it is not dosed correctly, he/she vomits 10-15 minutes after the injection, but this does not spoil the pleasure. I, myself, at my first try, injected about 3 times more drug than it was necessary and after that I was vomiting the whole night, 17-18 times. But, it was sooooooo nice and easily to vomit...
On the next day, you awake after 9-10 hours sleep and you feel cheerfulness and freshness, as if you have returned from a vacation on the Hawaii. There are not any unpleasant sensations. Well, if you have overdosed, you can be pleasantly dizzy, but after a few hours this also passes off. And exactly at this moment, if you have heard the follies about the physical addiction after the first dose, you begin to doubt a bit. You try a second time, a third one, you rest a week or two, a month or two, take again...And the dangerous and destructive abstinence is not there at all... You begin to think that you are a kind of an exception. But, you also watch the others - they try together with you, stop together with you and they feel well, too. Finally, you decide that all this is nonsense, told by the adults in order to keep you away from drugs. And you start bravely and irresponsibly...
Every evening, you bang 1/3 or half a packet, and everything is super, there are no problems... But, towards the end of the first week, you begin to awake a little earlier in the morning, not so cheerful... And just so, within the periphery of your consciousness, a thought begins to bug you - why don’t you shoot up one dose more, not to wait till tonight? No sooner said than done. You begin to do it twice a day. After a few days, however, the 1/3 or half a packet of question does not get you in the same way as at the beginning. You start to take 2/3 or a whole packet... Gradually, you begin to take 2-3-4-5 packets at a time... You begin to do it 3 times a day, 4 times, as many times as you have drugs.. You become incapable of falling asleep, if you have not taken all available drugs...
But, at the beginning you have tried to stop after a few doses, you have managed without problems and you are very confident that the abstinence is a mythological animal, which does not breed here! And you can still stop whenever you want. You just do not have a reason to do it exactly today...
In order to understand the psyche of an addict, one, first of all, should know how and why drugs operate. By saying ‘drugs’, I mean opiates - morphine and its derivatives, as well as their synthetic analogues - heroin, lidol, eucodal, demerol, omnopon, fentanyl, codeine, etc. Cocaine, amphetamines, hallucinogenic and light drugs (grass, hashish) are another theme, having NOTHING IN COMMON with opiates.
And so - actually, life is an untreatable fatal illness. Each day our bodies function a liiiiiittle more badly than the previous day and finally the process ends with a slow and painful loss of all abilities and death. If the human brain perceives the reality such as it is, each of us would feel as if he/she is sentenced to death a few days before the execution. In order to continue to live, reproduce and laugh, our brains produce natural opiates - endorphins and enkephalins, which, by binding with certain receptors in the brain, create a sensation of joy, happiness and well-being. This mechanism has appeared during the evolution for the purposes of ensuring the survival of the race. Thence, the strongest sensation of pleasure is created by the activities, connected with the survival, adaptation and reproduction.
Opiates are analogues of the endorphins and enkephalins, which bind to the same receptors and arouse the same sensations. But, the one, who uses them, does not need to go through the whole road to self-improvement and endeavouring in order to execute activity, which causes the secretion of endorphins and to feel well finally. Instead of this, he makes a short circuit by introducing an opiate directly into the blood flow and from there - into the brain.
And from this follows the main rule for assessment of the risk - the more problems a man has, the worse adapted he/she is, the lower his/her self-estimation is - the easier he/she gets addicted. And vice versa - the better he/she lives, the more positive emotions he/she has in his/her everyday life, the weaker is the effect of the drugs on him/her.
A typical example is one of my acquaintances - a veterinary doctor, with a successful career and her own business. Together with a few friends they established a chain of veterinary surgeries and shops throughout the whole country. Their business goes on well. She works mainly after her specialty; she takes part in sports and as a whole, she lives a good life, without any specific problems. She is a moderate drinker and does not smoke. Once she decided to try heroin - just like that, out of curiosity, to understand what the feeling is. After the first dose, she stood for a while, looked at me with a surprise and finally asked: "And when it is going to get me?". I was astounded. The kick (the most pleasant "hit" of the drugs) appears before the whole quantity of the syringe is introduced! I asked her, if she did not feel anything. She said that she felt comparatively well and loose, but nothing special. After a few minutes, she began to doubt that the dose had been not enough. I warned her that if she introduced more she would vomit, but she decided to take the risk. She prepared another half, stood again surprised for a while and in a moment she vomited. But, she did not understand what was so good about heroin. She hasn’t tried any more.
And, she is not the only example. I know a few guys (39, if we have to be exact), over 20 years old, who have tried heroin and morphine, intravenous, out of curiosity, after I have explained to them the things and I could not dissuade them. Almost all of them limited to one try. The rest of them took 2-3 times more. By until now, none of them has become an addict. But, all of them were adults, educated, with a profession, who had jobs, incomes and complete personal lives.
And what one’s life would be depends on the scenarios and models of behavior of his/her parents. A child, who receives care, attention and love (it should not be confused with spoiling), who is encouraged and punished adequately, and not after the mood of his/her parents, grows up with the deep inside belief that he/she is precious and deserves respect. And the world is recognizable, it can be controlled and it depends on the child to achieve what he/she wants. When he/she grows up, makes the needed efforts and achieves his/her aims and dreams. And vice versa - the lack of parent’s care, attention and understanding, the overdone strictness or complete lack of interest create uncertainty in a child. He/she tries different ways to win favorable attitude on behalf of his/her parents and if he/she never manages (or receives attention by chance, no matter of his/her deeds), he/she begins to feel that the world and life are something chaotic, which cannot be managed. The child remains convinced that he/she does not deserve anything good and cannot do anything to change the situation. As a rule, he/she abandons himself/herself to his/her fate and follows the road of the smallest resistance. These are basic scenarios, which form up to the 7-8th year, develop approximately till the end of the puberty and after that they can hardly be changed. If somebody is interested in this, he/she shall read Eric Berne.
Let’s turn back to the young drug addict. He has shot up for a few weeks regularly, a few times he has increased the dose, but he is still convinced that he can stop. The human brain is biologically created so that to run from the unpleasant facts to the pleasant lies with the help of chemical substances - the mentioned endorphins. The opiates wonderfully play this role. The drug user becomes more and more prone to delude himself/herself and avoid the unpleasant facts from the reality around him/her. And they become more and more. At the beginning, one packet of 3 leva is enough for 2-3 days. Drugs turn out to be cheaper than alcohol. Now, he/she needs 7-8-10 packets per day, which cost 25-30 leva. Money is over. He/she begins to borrow money, sell things from his/her home... His/her clothes and appearance lose its importance, and there are neither money, nor time for them. His/her friends begin to avoid him/her, because he/she always asks for money, and drugs have gradually occupied his/her mind. He/she is not any more prone to discussions of abstract matters during the whole night, parties and dances. He/she is not even interested in girl-/boyfriends... Only when he/she takes the next dose, he/she becomes for a while the man/woman he/she was. After a few months, this pleasant sensation continues only a few minutes after the injection, and within the next several hours you feel just normal.
But, sooner or later, a moment, at which you have to stop, comes. At least for a few days. Money is over, problems with the parents, police chase against the dealers... Then, one understands what actually abstinence is. It starts 8-12 hours after the last dose as a light flu. Aches in the joints, headache, overall faintness. During the next hours, the pain increases. At the end of the first day, it is already unbearable. Your have aches in the bones, joints, muscles. No matter how you lie, no matter how you bend - it hurts. You have the feeling that your flesh weighs on the bones and from that hurts. You cannot sleep, you are not hungry, you can't keep your food down, you have a diarrhea... You are sweating and feverish. Something like a heavy flu, multiplied by ten. By fits and starts, but even between them, you cannot take a nap more than an hour or two. If you do not have luck - also hallucinations from time to time. Unpleasant. Snakes, spiders, bloody sheets, flying towards you from all sides... Who from what is afraid of... They are not very frequently met, but they are unforgettable, if you have experienced them.
In such a condition, the addict is ready to do anything, with the sole purpose of making the pain stop. And the medicine is well-known - one dose. The moment you take it, the pain disappears. Everything becomes wonderful and pink. Only the memory of the abstinence remains. And the firm decision to remain without drugs never again in order it not to repeat again. The first cycle is over. You are already an addict and you know it. From your first try it has passed between a few months and a year or two.
After that things take to a spiral. Seeking, shooting up, seeking, shooting up... problems with the relatives, friends, police. Your health worsens. You sleep less and less, you are chronically overtired, and the whole day passes in seeking of the next dose. Because, the abstinence is always a few hours from you. The boys begin to steal, the girls - to prostitute, too. You distance from your body - it becomes only an instrument for supplying the brain with drugs. Sooner or later you begin to resell drugs in order to save a little from each packet. And in order the shortage not to be noticed, you add whatever you have in hand - pharingosept powdered, cocoa, even crushed bricks. And the drugs pass through several people and everyone saves a little... Your veins begin to calcify. When you try to shoot up, they break and you cannot introduce the material, for which you have run the whole day. The calcium in the organism decreases and the one from the bones starts to be used. Your teeth begin to crush, your nails to break, your hair gets thin... You do not have always a sterile syringe, not to mention the distilled water and the ethyl alcohol...
One day, because of any reason you decide to stop forever. Rarely because of yourself - you are already too exhausted to care. Usually, because of a relative - a girl-/boyfriend, a parent... Somebody, who still cares about you. You somehow go through the physical abstinence. I stopped suddenly, i.e. without decreasing doses and without substituting methadone therapy. It lasted for about a week. I went through it somehow. The girl, because of whom I stopped, did not leave me for more than an hour during that period. There are also variants in a psychiatry, with neuroleptics. They make you so dizzy that you do not feel the pain so severely. But, in return for it, you writhe for 2 or 3 weeks and after that you are like a jellyfish for other 2 or 3 weeks more.
Anyway - you awake one day and you are even surprised by the lack of pain. You have so used to it during the last days that you feel unusually the normal sensation of the body. Your joints hurt, but it is not like before. You walk, eat, sleep... And then, the mental abstinence begins. The brain is deprived of opiates, and during the period of taking drugs, it has lost the habit of producing endorphins and enkephalins. And the world seems a nightmare to you. You feel envious of the ordinary people, who just like that potter about the streets and smile. You cannot understand what they are so happy about. And you feel nasty, dull, desperate and hopeless... Each night you dream how you are shooting up. And all that you need is one very small dose. Not to get you high, but just to make you feel a normal person for a while. But you know that after the first dose the abstinence begins again. With all the pains again.
You miss a company, too. You do not want to see the old drug addicts, because you know that you will not stand it and you will begin again to take drugs. And all the rest avoid you. For them you are an addict. You owe money to most of them. From some of them you borrowed some things, which afterwards you sold for drugs. They are busy. They have their own lives and they are interested in things, which you have recently missed ....... The later you have began, the more skills you have acquired before starting taking drugs, the more chances you have to stop. Because you have something, to which you can return and get you closer to a social circle. Those things for me were the computers and extreme sports. As ill luck would have it, over and over again, you meet familiar drug addicts. And if they’d never had when you were on the rocks, when you stop, everyone gives you a treat. The grandmother of someone has died from cancer and some morphine ampullas have left, another has won from somewhere some money and wants to spend them together with you... The law of the universal vileness in action...
The mental abstinence continues between 6 months and 3 years. Over 95% of the addicts cannot surmount it and start again. Or they go on to enormous quantities of alcohol and become drunkards. This after all is a settlement by compromise - the drug addicts live averagely 8-9 years after they have started, and the drunkard can live through 20-30.
If you endure about 2-3 years after the last dose, the organism recovers. In the sense that if after this period you take one dose, you do not fall into physical abstinence. The tolerance decreases to the initial one, i.e. the normal dose for a beginner affects you as a beginner. With an appropriate diet and vitamins and microelements, the bone thickness recovers to normal, the liver decreases (if you haven’t catched hepatitis from a common syringe), your teeth stop crushing and they can be filled and constructed. Only the personality changes remain. You are already comparatively more cynical and you can hardly be annoyed by anything. Because of the periodical funerals of friends, you have even used to death and it does not notably move you. And you are devoided forever of the ability to believe in beautiful lies and illusions..."
''When you fall into the physical abstinence, you feel crushed. You desperately need help and support. It is hard to be alone and almost impossible...
Then, a friend of mine said that he had heard about a dependency clinic. He gave me a phone - I called and later met the chief psychotherapist of the clinic. I felt that I was on the edge and every moment I could go to look for drugs, I went on to a methadone therapy. Later, the methadone was gradually decreased until it was completely stopped. I also joined the groups of the clinic - the one was cognitive and more practically oriented, the other - psychoanalytical. I learned so much about myself and human mental as a whole, as much I could not learn for three lives. Each shady unconscious nook of my soul was thoroughly investigated and lighted up, analyzed and put to conscious work. I also found friends, who were resolved to pick themselves up.
The therapists from the clinic, however, became my best friends. Nobody, by then, had been interested so much in my life and in my future! And with the help of them - I succeeded! I passed through the three years and here I am now - alive and healthy, with a very strong and precious experience. As Nietzsche told:"What does not kill me, makes me stronger!".
The first case is an example of a man, who alone, without the help of a substituting methadone therapy, without psycho-therapy, has succeeded to overcome the drug addiction. But, as he says, over 95% of the addicts do not succeed in coping alone with the power of desire, pushing them towards the next dose! That is why the need of help and support is crucial!
Kantchelov clinic is in the capital of Bulgaria - Sofia. It is situated in the center of the town, in a zone, protected against the city clamor and traffic jams. The premises, used by the clinic, actually, is a two-room ground-floor apartment, in which the two main rooms are used for psychotherapy, meetings of the board of managers of the clinic, the therapists and the medical persons. In the third room, a small lumber room, the methadone to the drug addicts is provided.
The serviced people, on the basis of an almost symbolic monthly fee, are put under the cares of medical persons - a doctor and nurses, psychologists and a social worker.
The doctor permanently supervises the physical state of the drug addicts.
The nurses execute a similar role, serve as a connection between the treated persons and the doctor and regulate the process of controlled taking of the methadone substitute. The psychologists are a basic unit of the clinic. One of them is a Case manager, and his role is to watch for the relation between the mental processes of the patients and their social activity in connection with the process of treatment. He is an intermediate unit between the role of the psycho-therapists and the social worker. The activity of the Case manager can be characterized as a realization of short-term solution oriented interventions and contacts with the patients, in the spirit of the short-term problem-solution oriented psychological therapies. The Case manager uses also psychological instruments like a structured interview and psychological tests.
The social worker cares for the patients of the clinic to obtain social support, cooperates in job-seeking, social adaptation and integration.
An indisputable truth is that the psycho-therapists are the heart of the clinic. The clinic provides therapists, trained in various psychological paradigms, such as: system, psychodynamic, cognitive - behavioral, Jungian art school and others. The implemented psychotherapies cover the whole intramental, interpersonal and social life of the patients, and in this way they are of key role in the process of treatment.
I can openly say that the success of the clinic, which perhaps is a leading international one, is due to the diverse therapeutical intervention and the personal charisma, altruism, mental integrity and strength, professionalism and dedication of the psychotherapists. Being professionals of world standing, they literally create miracles - and they do this with an astonishing modesty, inherent to all really priceless personalities.
Complexity of the Applied Approaches
Kantchelov Clinic deals mainly with overcoming of the heroin addiction. The approach of the clinic to the patients is versatile. Their biochemistry, as well as their inside mental lives are treated. Their family relations and social interactions are covered. The applied therapeutical interventions are the following:
Short description of the executed activities at each of the approaches:
Surprising as it may sound, Kantchelov Clinic is one of the leading international organizations, which realizes successful therapy for people, suffering from dependencies. The therapeutists of the clinic participate in the most important conferences and seminars, connected with the therapy of dependencies, held in the United States and west Europe, work together with the most famous clinics in this sphere from the whole world and exchange experience. The clinic deals with activities in a sphere, which is avoided by many therapeutists and organizations from the whole world, because of the low degree of results obtained from the therapeutical and medicine intervention in this sphere. But, the outstanding charisma of the team of the clinic, its overall coordination and team work, the complete, even sacrificed devotedness of the therapists in the process of helping the patients - create miracles. Even people with heavy addiction of many years succeed, with the help of the specialists from Kantchelov Clinic, in achieving independence from drugs and placing their lives on new bases! Statistically and globally- the results are amazing!
But, what biochemical processes are going on, when one, who has deserved the name Sapiens (Sensible), realizes the powerful effect of the sexual intercourse, done as he/she is pushed by the nature of the animal in him/her and directs him/her to the more supreme equivalents of this nature, to its primary source?
Dopamine rises again, oxytocin and endorphin start to be secreted, i.e. the energy of passion in us is sublimated till a state of joy and nirvana. However - this process is not roughly interrupted by orgasm, and is deepened and prolonged. The secretion of ocsitocine and endorphins continues, which gradually evokes a state of more and more delicate and powerful nirvana, love, joy and harmony, of unity and centerness.
Testosterone and dopamine are not released and lost during achieving of supreme orgasm, in order to be substituted by stress hormones, and are used as fuel, which pushes the production of oxytocin, encephalin and endorphins. After a while, testosterone and the pushed by it dopamine gradually decrease and are substituted by oxytocin and endogen opiates. These mediators and hormones of the selfless love, happiness, feeling of fabulousness and beauty, continue to circulate in the organism days after such an intercourse. During that time, one feels balanced, calm, even-tempered, "here and now" is present, naturally enjoys the minute. Testosterone, like dopamine, also decreases during the intercourse. If the man ejaculates after, lets say, a two-hour intercourse, the fluid will be little, thin and colourless. The secrets of the testes and prostate have passed into the blood flow, have transformed into other substances and elements. In east alchemistry, this process is called evaporation of the seed. The sudden drop of dopamine and testosterone - the mediator and hormone of passion, vitality and energy, of youth and strength - is avoided and turns into gradual sublimation into the hormones and transmitters of happiness.
According to the investigations of the transpersonal psychologists, the transformation of the body biochemistry to a similar balance by practitioners from the east and west esoteric schools, has improved the health, immunity, mental wellness and vision, as well as has drastically increased the life expectancy.
These reasoning of mine is based on my modest experience in this field of action, knowledge of the process, so as it is presented by the transpersonal psychological east and west schools, as well as on the contemporary biochemistry and neurophysiology. There are no psychological and medical experiments of full value by now and they are to be performed. Such experiments must be performed together with a psychologist and a doctor, with direct measurement of the body biochemistry in couples, mastering the act of sublimation and in others, who make ordinary sex. The ideas for such experiments become imminent in the whole world and will develop in the practical scientific proof of these eternal truths.
Psychological Processes during Coitus Sublimatus
The feeling that is experienced in this process is the following: passion is welcome. Passion is necessary and obligatory fuel. More passion (libido) - more possibilities for rising in the casual, non-dual spheres of consciousness and way of life. During sublimation, the passion is not spent in the conventional way, and is harnessed to work. The partner becomes the only thing in the world, the only object within the range of vision of consciousness. The concentration in him/her, leaded by the passion, becomes so full that you become one. During this dynamic Bhakti Yoga, the beloved turns into our universe. This is concentration, leaded by the heart. There are no forced, boring exercises, but pushed by the soul process of identification and wholeness. The hormonal intensity, the quantitative concentration of the passion reach their limit and go to a qualitatively new level - the one of pure love, blessed contemplation, complete one-directiveness of the consciousness to one object, here and now. The person, with whom we are uniting, turns into sacred god/goddess, into only object of the mind and heart. The power of passion canalizes into the more delicate states of our consciousness, into the experience of pure selfless Love. Love fills them both up till the limit of their creatures, overflows and they emanate it. They become one whole creature.This love fusion is a real experience in their superconsciousness, where it is realized. The consciousness widens and embraces the superconsciousness. After such an experience, even if it happens only once in human’s life, he/she will know that the world and his/her own spirit is not limited to the boundaries of the orthodox understandings. When one strives for widening of his/her consciousness, this practice of love unity becomes a wonderful instrument, which catapults the experiences to the heights of his/her inner sky. In the course of practicing of meditation and love fusion, they both become one. The meditation becomes a love process, and the love intercourse becomes meditation. Then, one, if he/she thinks it is necessary, can give up sex. But, he/she can also continue with it. It depends on the individual. The strict rules are for the masses. Even in the esoteric doctrines, too. In the course of practice, the states, achieved during the intercourse become a companion in the everyday life, as a background of all activities. One does not become perfect. I do not know what perfection is, as well as if God is perfect... The character peculiarities and behaviour remain, but, behind the actions, feelings and thoughts, one silent wordless state of warm relation to the things, of tenderness and beauty become more and more apparent. This state, in the course of striving and search, deepens, and the cognition, feelings and behaviour become more and more apparent and mastered by this silent inner witness. A witness so tender and delicate - as a far away star whisper, which, however, stays our closest friend and beloved.
When the passion rises to love and the heart opens, the mind quietens in the embrace of the light calmness of intuitive wisdom and insight. Karl Yung would say that during such sublimation, one gradually raises to higher levels of his/her counterpersonal complex: Anima/Animus. The pushed out fillings of the shadow (or "IT", after Froyd / psychoanalysis specializes in the manifestations of the shadow, but does not reach farther than it/), rejected during the struggle of the self with the unwanted and unacceptable by it desires, now they are realized and integrated, raised to their higher equivalents. Here is also hidden the enormous psychotherapeutic value of the meditation of the sacred sex. The primitive man usually is very strong mentally, because he/she never struggles against his/her impulses. He/She has no remorse, moral, stated by the civilized society, no regret for his/her deeds. But he/she is a savage. His/her mind has frozen at the preoperational mythical stage. The civilized individual, placed within the frames of certain requirements of the society, as well as the frames of his/her own strives and moral, drives out the wishes, strives and needs, which he/she does not accept, fights with them, and they go to his/her subconsciousness. When they find themselves in the unconscious shadow, in "IT", these impulses manifest themselves in the form of neuroses, psychoses or, when the case is simpler, as variable moods. The sacred sex intercourse, in particular, and the meditation, as a whole, act in another manner. The passions, hatred and anger, greed and lust are not despised. Man does not struggle against them. He/she knows that they are an integral part of the animal in him/her, of his/her old brain structures, of his/her shadow. Man just realizes them through the awaken, inside him/her, light of his/her widened consciousness and sublimates them. He/she sublimates the passion and lust into love; the hatred - into the creative strive for creation. The clue is the awareness and the redirection, and not the suppression.
If we would wish to fit within the frames of the understandings of the contemporary materialistic science, we would have presented the immensity of the ocean through the mud of the swamp... Since I do not agree with the reducing approach of the contemporary science and do not manage to limit myself so much so that to fit into its nightmarish narrow frames, I let myself include, widen and specify in my description of coitus sublimatus the notion for the mental energy.
Each of us, who realizes his/her mental processes and states, he/she realizes the enormous importance of the mental energy, the fire in him/her! The energy gives us healthy ambition, which sets our life in motion. It also stays behind the passion, and behind love. It sets the cognitive processes in the brain and our mentality in motion and feeds knowledge and wisdom. While growing old, the energy in us goes away slowly but surely. Some experts in dealing with the internal energy, succeed in stopping the process of loosing and to develop the spirit in themselves. But even if do not manage to reach to such a supreme control over our body and mind, the harmonization of our mental energy in us surely leads to positive changes. The energy is directly connected to the consciousness and when we manage to intensify it, to move uniformly its flow, to refine it, and then the quality of our consciousness becomes different. The emotional and energy state are interwoven in common chain. If the power decreases or if it is stopped up, because of mental suppress, rejection of certain emotions, our mood changes immediately, the body biochemistry switches to another regime, the cognition mists over, the look bends down, the step and body language become relevant, depressive and aggressive states occur, and love and healthy strive are substituted by fear and irritation. Man begins to avoid social life, becomes neurotic and avoids social interactions. Major reasons for the loss of energy and its wrong flowing, are the following:
- Lack of connection to the life spring, to the spirit, to the transpersonal, causal and non-dual spheres of existence and consciousness:
The sacred sexuality is connected to all of these spheres and their relations. In the ideal case, it is well, before one goes about the act of sublimation, if he/she has observed abstention for several years, strove his/her consciousness to the source and established already conscious relations with this source, so that to be able to "pin" also his/her sexuality to them, to direct it along the already established channels to the source of Love. So happens in the esoteric schools. If there is not already open to some extend conscious and relation to the unknown sides of the own mentality, there is a danger the intercourse to be vulgarized and the side effect from its time prolonging to be used only for blowing the passion about and satisfaction of the egoistic strives for pleasure. And the result from the so experienced at a horizontal level intercourse, will be a mental and hormonal addiction and physical abuse and exhaustion. Of course, we cannot expect that when one takes a step to the sacred sexuality, he will have completely mastered his/her consciousness, he/she will have achieved Samadhi at one or another level... But, in order the sexual intercourse to be qualitatively experienced differently and to push to the supreme spheres, it is necessary there to be one already open to some extend consciousness and a certain relation to these supreme spheres, achieved through prayer, meditation, pure and disciplined life. Then the energy, unlocked during the alchemic process of mutual-exchange, will naturally flow into our strive towards the Truth. The energy of the sexual intercourse turns into a strong flow to the river of our heart strive to Love and after its end, instead of the sorrowful feeling of robbery, characteristic for the for the common sex, we feel totally differently. Layers of consciousness, which we have lost even as children, awaken in us. The joyful fabulousness of life appears again in us and our minds learn again to experience the current moment with sincere gratefulness and devotedness. And, in order not to leave a pro-Froyd psychologist with the wrong impression that the processes, which I describe, are "Regress of libido and fixing in the infantile phase of its development...", I will add the following: similar experiences, at complete realization and presence of Self, which widens its boundaries, are a vivid example not for regress, but for progress of libido and the relative mental components of ego, super-ego (the subconscious), "IT", their complete realization and inclusion in the boundaries of Self. In order words, the performed process is a practical implementation of the recommendation of Herr Froyd: "‘It’ must become Self!" the impulses of the subconscious are being revealed and enlightened by consciousness, so far as it (the consciousness) obtains its light by its penetration into the bounds of the superconsciousness.
As we see, the processes of the meditative sexuality are not limited by the components of mental mapping, the way they are presented by the classic contemporary psychology. For the superconsciousness, to which the investigator of his/her consciousness empirically reaches, speaks the integral psychology of Karl Gustaf Yung, Ken Wilber, as well as the transpersonal psychology of Stanislav Grof, Roberto Asadzholi, etc.
During the sacred intimacy, an exchange at all levels of their creatures takes place in the pair of lovers.
At a physical level, the man and the woman master the strength of their orgasms, and in this way creating a prerequisite for further work. The hormonal secretion and the brain mediation switches to a regime of loss, hormonal drop, leading to the stress reaction fight or flight, with a subsequent slow and painful recovering and emotional imbalance, in a regime of progressive hormonal synthesis, harmonization and balance.
At a delicate physical, energy or etheric level, the libido filling is stored and canalized in the internal body energy network, where it flows through its channels. These channels are wonderfully explained in large amount of literature. That is why, here, I will point out only my personal experiences.
In the first months and years of the try to feel, visualize and direct the energy, one is disposed to make too many efforts, with which he/she actually blocks the motion and its clear perception. But this is a necessary stage, in order to be established a mental practice, habit for the location of the channels, work methods and concentration. Depending on the school, which one follows, there is difference in the accent of work with the different channels. Those, with which is not worked consciously, participate indirectly and automatically. In the tantra schools, the movement of energy is only along the backbone, and in the Dao ones - in the back, male, ascending channel, and through the front, female, descending channel. Always during breathing in, the energy directs upwards, and at breathing out - downwards. It is well for a while the attention of the practitioner to be directed mainly towards the movement of the energy through the torso and the head, after, for example, a year or more of practice, to be realized its movement through the hands and the legs. After that begins its realization even outside of the body.
The exercises for realization of the energy movement can be performed everywhere and at any time. At the queue in a shop, in the bus, as well as in especially selected for that sessions, at home, in calm atmosphere.
At anatomy level, the movement upwards through the central channel, corresponds to the lemniskov sensomotor route through the back part of the backbone-brain horns, through the bole and the interim brain, to the cortex. The movement of the energy downwаrds, from a physiological point of view, corresponds to the pyramidal routes of the brain structures, through the front part of the backbone-brain horns, to motor activation of the whole body. The pyramidal route is connected also to the vegetative nerve system, with its plecsusis in the front part of the torso, which, thinking by analogy between the energy system and the body physiology, eliminates the differences between the above-mentioned Dao and Tantra systems for energy flowing.
Over the course of time, one understands the too much concentration on a separate channel or center only stops his/her perceptions for the energy flow as a whole. Instead of using his/her mind in order to try to move the energy here and there by force, one starts realizing its natural flow. The participation of the mental concentration becomes more delicate and tender. For the purposes of directing the energy to somewhere, it is enough to direct only the mind to that way, naturally, lightly and smoothly, without force. The major work is transferred from the concentration in certain centers and channels, in overall awareness, in feeling and experiencing of the flow of the power in the whole body and even outside of it. The only willful concentration during the whole time stays the strive of the mind for redirecting of the energy during the sexual intercourse upwards. If it follows the natural path, during this intercourse, the power is prone to flows downwards and outside, through the genitals, as well as to materialize the consciousness, to enmesh it in the embrace of passion, to direct it to the outside objective world, to make it rough. By directing our minds and the energy to the brain centers, we turn the energy flow upwards, to the delicate energy network in the body, as well as we turn the direction of the consciousness inwards, to the supreme spheres of the meditative cognition, to the feeling for beauty and harmony, and for short, to the Love, Wisdom and Truth in us.
The exchange between the partners becomes at each level from the physical and energy body, as well as at emotional, mental and causal level. The sexual intercourse is complete exchange and leaves indelible imprint on the energy - informational field of them both. That is why the promiscuous sex always leads to moral and spiritual decline. Everyone, with whom we make love, we connect energetically with invisible, but healthy destiny threads.
Often the woman simulates arousal and orgasm during the intercourse. In order the dynamic process of mutual exchange to happen, in order both of them to become a dynamo - transformator, which emanates its energy towards the superconscious regions of the existence, a prerequisite for this is the orgasm state of both partners. A state, which they meditatively flow into widening of their consciousness!
The energy flows between the two lovers, through each part of their bodies. When the orgasm is mastered, the energy begins to flow along the energy system and as a result from that, the sensitivity of the whole body increases drastically. The whole body becomes one sexual organ. Both of them give their energies to each other, and the more they give, the more they receive from his/her partner. They give energy, Love and Light. They both become one whole. And this is not only symbolically, but completely experienced state of wholeness - at energy, emotional and mental level. They merge the powers of Love and their Light. They merge their inner fire in one common, stronger and more powerful, unified flame. The man feels the energy of the woman as soft and damp. The woman feels the energy of the man as hot and fiery. The magnetic - electric fields of them both can be compared to a turbine, which produces electromagnetic flow - electricity, which is directed in the direction, defined by the lover’s minds.
During the ordinary intercourse, the mind is concentrated on the genitals, and respectively, the mind shrinks to the primitive experiencing of strong animal lust and pursuit of maximal pleasure. During Coitus Sublimatus, the pleasure is sublimated into pure Universal Love, into infinite stellar consciousness! Or at least, the door of possibility opens for such a direction and the whole process works for the development of one’s humanity. The energy begins to flow along the backbone, and literally bathes the brain in a blessed waterfall of powerful charges. At mastered orgasm, all that is needed is the process to be watched. When the orgasm is near, the sexual glands begin to pulse, and they launch the canalized energy along the energy network, along the whole body, in the brain. The inner organs, which are depots of certain emotions, become harmonic. As the Chinese say, a merging of their elements is happening - i.e. their harmonic strong interaction that transforms into feeling of balance and wellness. The energy, as well as the consciousness, of which it is a bearer, spreads out also throughout the energy network of our partner. And the exchange is so complete that the feeling of separateness disappears. The balance of Yin/Yang in the body establishes. This leads to a mental state of centricity, nirvana, experiencing of the current moment - "here and now".
The energy is live and full of consciousness vibration. The energy is a bearer of information - during the sacral sexual intercourse, the partners exchange their energies in a sublimated form. The primary sensation during the penetration is for the one’s own energetic movements, provoked by the sexual arousal. Gradually, our own energy embraces the body and aura of the partner, spreads out throughout his/her meridian and aura network. Our cognition experiences that energetic mutual embracing and interweaving as merging of the two consciousnesses. The perception of the energy becomes more real than ever. It is accompanied by the characteristic for the sacred sexual intercourse feelings of universal love and unity with life and with the partner, concretely. The way our own energy penetrates and embraces the one of our partner (for convenience, I will speak only from the position of one of the sexes), so does her one enters into us - we feel it as damp tender love, warmth and wetness - act of the power of love. On the other side, the male energy is perceived by the woman as hot, dry and fiery - act of the power of the will. The united power of the partners circulates throughout their bodies and auras, creating that fabulous feeling of unity, wholeness, completeness, thoroughness, nirvana, reaching to indescribable ecstasy, which lasts dozens of minutes and hours - the so called valley orgasm. Such an intercourse pushes the partners into deep contemplation beyond the ordinary cognitive process - contemplation, full of light, blessed joy and powerful strength. The center of self-consciousness is automatically transferred into the Self itself - the overall personality of the individual. The usual cognition of the small ego remains, but it presents only as a small insignificant element, a part of one much more wide open, mature and overall super-consciousness.
One realizes that during breathing in, the energy - the own one and the one of his partner, rises upwards, and during breathing out, it goes downwards.
During breathing out, the energy passes through the bodies and the limbs of them both and connects to the earth energies. From the position of the psychological process, this going down is experienced as a descent into the subconsciousness, to the wild lust of our sex driven nature.
During breathing in, the merged in one power of them both rises upwards through their bodies and heads and connects to the infiniteness of the universe. The psychological experience is for widening of the consciousness to the spheres of super-consciousness, to the universal structures of our limitless human potentials.
In this way, one empirically widens the scope of his/her consciousness to the super-consciousness, as well as to the subconsciousness, i.e. practically, he/she realizes the process of "grafting", grafting of the sex driven wild nature (the subconsciousness, the old brain structures) to the supreme postconventional cognition of his/her super-consciousness (the supreme cerebral, dawdling by then, brain processes). Of course, this is not an absolute and extreme experience, but only a beginning of one boundless road of infinite possibilities. This experience is described as Samadhi in the east yoga and tantra systems.
When one does not have an experience, he/she is prone to trying rather rudely to control the energy movement and the state of his/her consciousness, to introduce too much authoritarianism into the process. However, this blocks the process as energy flow, as well as flight of the consciousness to unknown spheres of experiencing. Gradually one deepens his sensitivity for perception of the energy and understands that the process passes spontaneously, and for its amplifying only slightly realized breathing, concentration of the attention and focusing of the eyes is needed.
The energy body becomes more sensitive and vivid and one begins to feel the energy outside his/her physique, too. The energy of the other people, at the place he/she is, on the Earth, in the space. The consciousness widens and the connection to the deep inner Self becomes stronger and more direct. The individuation (Jung), self-actualization (Maslow), turn from an abstract aim into a real mental state. From a symbolic point of view: the woman’s love merges into the man’s will in order to be born the child of Wisdom - the widening of the consciousness of them both. This is an interpersonal process of the couple, as well as intramental process of merging into the inner man or woman - Anima/Animus. The religion refers to this process as merging into the Divinities. Of course, this is a merging at lots of degrees, and the development is infinite.
In an enormous part of the ancient Dao texts, devoted to the art of married chambers, sex is referred to as war, and the partner - as an enemy. This enemy must be defeated, cheated and robbed. When his/her energy is artificially aroused, the one, who knows the method, saps to the maximum his/her orgasm energy, through which he/she feeds himself/herself and rejuvenates. Such an apparent energy vampirism is taught, more or less disguised, at some contemporary schools. Judging by the sums that these schools require for their short seminars, we can say that vampirism has spread out in their financial deeds, too...
As I kept to methods of such a school (the one of Mantak Chia), I followed such instructions for a long time. I tried to pull the power of the partner, to suck it up as much intensively and more as it was possible, not to allow my own energy to flow into the energy centers of my partner, and to become a kind of a field of vacuum, in order to suck her vitality up... While I was following the methods of this school, I did not doubt them. Fortunately, I did not become a big specialist in the "pulling out" in question and I did not learn to steal at all in the way, in which it was recommended. Actually, sometimes, when I felt weak and depressed, when my energy field was weak, these techniques worked powerfully, and after the intercourse my energy was restored. I was pumped up by the life essence of my partner, and she had a headache... But - I hope that I will be forgiven - I did not know what I was doing.
The Greek word "hylotropic" means "directed towards the part". Such an approach really distances you from life entirety, turns you into an egoistic cancer formation, which uses all resources around it with the only aim to satisfy its egoism. During the whole time, when I consciously tried to follow the methods of stopping of the own energy releasing and sucking up the partner’s energy, I blocked the natural path of the energy. Hence, as a result of this wrong conception, one’s consciousness changes in direct ratio to the success of its application. One becomes a hypocrite, a liar; his/her attitude towards the supposed lover is only as towards a reservoir of energy, which shall be stolen. If one insists on it, he/she takes to totally different ways - ways of selfishness, lovelessness and darkness. The hylotropic direction of the consciousness, gradually, occupies the whole life of the person and enlarges on each of his/her activities, feelings or thoughts. With my attempts to suck up the power of my partner, I stopped the welling up in me powerful transpersonal sensations of unity, merging and deep dip into the contemplation of the unity and non-dualness. They seemed to me suspicious... But, when they, in spite of that, occurred, I consciously blocked them and ran from them, because I thought that I lost energy through them. As a small bat, I obstinately, years after years, flied about in the dark tunnels of the narrow conceptions and wrong directions. And the ideas are stronger than what we think. They activate relevant to them emotional conditions and behavioral models. This is one really dark road, a road of the left hand, as, symbolically, it is called in the east... But, I passed thought a lot and personally. Even though wrong, experience is experience. Thank God, I really was not so good in the "pulling out", as I wanted to be and in spite of my will, frequently, during the sexual intercourse I went down into strong non-dual conditions of my consciousness, leaded by my soul, by my inner leader that stands behind the veil of the mind. The same leader pushed me to continue my road, but in totally different direction - in the opposite one. Actually, the doctrines of the left hand, frequently, hide behind the ideology of the right roads, so the change was not drastical. Since the common statements on sex and its relation to spirituality are, to say the least, contradictory, I had to experience everything personally. I passed through a turning point, and I did not know to where it was going to bring me.
I passed through a few years of fierce contradictions. I did not know what to do, so I went to other extremes and I tried to deny sex. I never succeeded, but my attempts caused to me severe internal agonies, struggles, crises, insomnia, desperate strives, followed by failure. In order to be away from the temptations of woman’s beauty, I started work on a ship. This is how my experience there looked like.
In 2000, I began to work for the Greek Shipping Company "Festival Cruises" as a utility. A utility means an assistant, but practically you are a cleaner. I was a university graduate, but I started to work as a cleaner. Nobody notices the cleaners, they are invisible... As though they have learned a Tibetan secrete practice and are wrapped up by a thin opaque drape of untouchability! With the high wellingtons, gloves till the elbows and clothes always smeared with grease, soaked up with the rubbish with which they deal, these boys are outsiders. Do you think that there are castes only in India? Well! It is not exactly right! Ask yourself when you pass around a Bulgarian citizen of Romany origin, who cleans the streets of our small state - do you send to her a good feeling of gratitude, one light mental message, full of joy and acknowledgement? Hardly! Although, without their practically selfless work, because of the symbolic payment, we would have tramped, up to the knees, in plastic bags and wrappings from croissants, we just do not notice these people. We are over them...
Even if we share any moral values and spiritual ideas, the feeling of superiority and haughtiness towards such "low" creatures is deeply ingrained in us. When I signed the contract for a utility, I did not have an idea what it is actually about. I knew about 100 words in English in present tense and just went. When I arrived in Dubrovnik, Croatia, where the ship was going to berth the next day, we were accommodated for one night in a luxury hotel... perhaps, in order the next day failure to be complete. We were three Bulgarian boys. We were presented to our supervisor - a Romanian guy with a strong neurotical anxious temperament, constantly jumping around as popcorn, impatiently waiting for the end of his contact in order to go to work for a better company: "Disney Cruises". His name was Mal Cornell. When we arrived on board, Mal took us to "our residence" - a four-square-meters cabin with four bunks, two 2-tiered bunks. There was not room for anything. In the middle of our cabin, there was an area of about one square meter, where we unloaded our suitcases. After 10 minutes we were at the laundry, where the tailor gave us working clothes, used by God knows how many people. About 30 minutes after setting foot on board of the ship "Mistral", I already worked. Mr. Cornel put me at the Main Dishwash of the restaurant, the dining-room. I found myself there right in the evening, during the dinner, with my 100 English words, in a team of 6 people. Four guys from Indonesia and two Bulgarians, me and one of the boys, with whom I traveled. As there was lack of people, the dishwash was literally covered up and overflowing by thousands of plates, bowls from soup and dessert. The waiters came and threw their full trays on the top and ran for new orders. Later, I understood that they had to arrange the things from the tray in order to facilitate the boys from the dishwash, but in a Greek company, the order is the last thing, which one could expect. I stared aghast at the mountain of plates. The noise from their placing in the dishwasher was over 100 decibels. I had never worked with foreigners before that. I connected Indonesia (Bali, Sumatra, Kalimantan, Java, Borneo), the home of my colleagues, with India, but I did not know much about their country, customs and habits. I was told to arrange the bowls from one washbasin, full of hot water, on boxes and put them in a dishwasher. Thunder and bang surrounded me. I hardly understood the English of the boys, and I hardly heard them. There were no gloves... On principle, there were never ones and all of us hid their gloves in holes in the ship, but this first night was as if especially prepared by destiny as a heavy slap for my ego. I thrust, with bare hands, into the hot water, full of chemicals and sludge. I did not know where I was. The ship was shaking violently... The Mediterranean is stormy - after a while, when I traveled through the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean, I understood that there can be whole months without any waves... I got seasickness, I felt sick, the Indonesian guys looked like extraterrestrials to me, my hands burned from the hot water, the crash from the plates penetrated the core of my consciousness and as if it cut me like a knife. I cut myself on a broken bowl. But, it does not matter - there is no time for bandages, for stopping. If you stop, the restaurant also stops; the waiters do not have clear plates, glasses; the clients are waiting; business fails. I became a small cogwheel from the big machine for money making and laundering. And, as I was a negligible small wheel, I span with a reckless speed. Pushing, pushing, non stop. Tons of parts of lobsters spilled on the top of the table. They passed through the milling machine and from there they where thrown into the sea. The lobsters were a delicacy for the guests, but for me they were just dead bodies, with open stomachs and hanging parts of meat. The sight and smell did not trouble the Indonesians at all. This was something usual for them. Sometimes the waiters turned untouched meals and the guys calmly ate over the piles of misery... After a while, when we got to know each other, we became good friends. In fact, because of them, Indonesia evokes in me splendid feelings even now. My colleagues accepted me, understood me, and never accused me of anything. They treated me amicably and without any self-interest. One very warm strong feeling of trust and friendliness arose between me and them! In the companies for which I worked, there were people from the whole world - I worked with over 60 nations from various points of the globe. But, the first foreigners, whom I met, were Indonesians. And the hit was directly in the center of the target of collaboration and spiritual cooperation. We became true friends with my colleagues. An indescribable powerful relation established between our souls, through which the information directly flows and it is not necessary a common language to be known in detail. The communication is not at verbal, but at one clear energy-informational, spiritual level. I did not have such a relation with the Bulgarians on the ship. I had it with some Indians, with one or two black boys, but never with someone from the west nations.
During my first evening on the ship "Mistral" I told to myself: "If I do not die now, I will never die!". But, alas - it turned out that life and death are more closely connected than I thought. After the first shock evening, things calmed down for a few days. The work was not little, but I had used to work a lot in Bulgaria. There were rush hours, and the rest of the time it was calmer. During the first days of my work on board, as soon as I put my head on the pillow I fell asleep like a baby. After about 10 days, however, one night I could not fall asleep. I just could not. This was something new for me. It was even interesting to me. On the next day, I was a bit sleepy, but I managed with my work. It had happened to me before not to sleep the whole night and to work afterwards. But, not to go to sleep, because of factors inside me - never. I thought that it was an incident and I did not worry. But, all this happened a second, a third time, chronified and became systematical. Was this due to the stress in work? I do not think so. The stress lasted exactly a day or two. I had also had intense work before that, with lots of stress, but I had never had such a problem. I had just completed 28 years - 4 by seven years, and I entered a new life cycle. When I went to my new job, except the money, a main motive for me was my desire to learn to experience my sexuality at a higher virginal level. But - I did not have method. I did not have an idea what a mental attitude I had to have on the road of my strive to a higher cognition. And I struggled - I opposed my libido passions to the impulses of will of my supreme self. This totally wrong approach resulted in killing insomnia. I did not sleep whole nights. I burned up with feverish longing. Images of women’s bodies filled my consciousness. Painful desire burned my soul and my body. The days after such sleepless nights, and most of them were, I worked hardly and slowly. Each of my actions, even each of my thoughts, weighed on me. I felt like a diver, who is pressed under the enormous pressure of the material, and who does not have enough air and with huge efforts takes small gulps of air and hardly lifts his heavy lead shoes. The first months, it did not show that I did not sleep. I even managed with my work, even though with incredible efforts. I could not give up. My dignity did not allow me. My father and my uncle have traveled by sea for many years. Their example was in front of my eyes. I could not stop. It would look like a betrayal, like a defeat... "Well, I knew that you will not stand it!", my mother would say, and my father would only shake his head. I preferred to die, but to fulfill my contract. When one suffers a chronic insomnia, the result is that all darkest nooks of your subconsciousness are unlocked and taken out to light. I personally painfully experienced a deep diving into the bottomless pit of hell. Of my personal hell. However, in this way, one investigates his/her dark nature in a severe direct way and has the chance to work on it and restrain it. When you chronically do not sleep, you are alive, but you are also dead. You are neither in full consciousness, nor in unconsciousness. You are swimming in the mist of one border state, your soul weeps for pain, wishes for you to fall asleep in order it to fill with live energy, but it is locked in the chains of the body. The brain does not let it go. The neurons have formed a hard net in front of its wail for free fly and mock it. This first contract, which lasted 11 months, without a day off, was the heaviest. During the whole time, day and night, wild desires for sex teemed in me, furious lust filled my very being. I worked and I made efforts half-sleeping, but I felt inside me and saw only one: sex, sex, sex! Before starting work on ships, sex was a big part of my life. I had an easy job, money, a passionate girl-friend, who always wanted me. I was 20 and there was seldom a day without making it. But, not just sex... From a long time I was interested in esoteric cognition. I was looking for the Truth. I read books on internal sex, work with the energy body, and I practiced that with my girl-friend. I got used to lots of orgasms, which went through me from bottom to top. I got used to prolong one orgasm with minutes and after a short lull, to evoke another one. This was nirvana. I pulled the power of orgasm towards the brain, turned it back, poured it into my partner, and I felt our emanations. But, I mainly aimed at one thing - happiness, completeness and freedom from the load of the heavy matter of this world, in which my consciousness was chained. Pleasure, which serves the spirit, and sublimates into nirvana and ecstasy. Books claimed that it is possible. And I tried. I visualized my energy body over the head. I tried to transfer my consciousness there. Well, I achieved only that I lost consciousness several times and awoke, shaking and with hissing in the ears, without knowing where I was... For these practices a Teacher is needed. But where was that Teacher in Bulgaria? Why didn’t I find him? May be I did not deserve him? May be! May be he did not exist. I dreamt of India, Tibet, China... Before starting my work abroad, in the course of 5 years I had practiced such methods. I was seeking, struggled, assessed, and investigated myself. How I felt before that, how I felt after that, pluses and drawbacks! The seed power, which is everything for a man, is like water. It can empty directly for an intercourse of several minutes or evaporate for a longer time, fill the internal channels and ennoble the body and consciousness. At that time, I visited the theosophical society in Varna and followed the methods and the whole emanation of this school. And it recommends the struggle. And I struggled. I tried to be firm and to defeat temptations, to be over them. I did not have an idea what an enemy I had started to deal with and what a losing struggle I had doomed myself to. The leaders of the theosophical, and later of the Roerich-motion, are the same beings, which stand in the core of the world government. I speak about the genuine offstage leaders, about those immortal creatures, for whom we know little. They are specialists in the control of consciousnesses. I do not take the risk to claim who is good and who is bad, because both are part of one bigger whole. But it is a fact that our planet is skillfully managed by a handful of adepts. A basic principle in the management of the human consciousness is: "Divide and rule!". This principle does not boil down only to its external manifestation of formation of two camps, two countries, parties, organizations, their opposing against each other and controlling, in this way, both sides by proposing them a "rescue" solution, comfortable for the controller. The method penetrates also at the level of individual consciousness and the masters of our planet have known that for countless millenniums. When consciousness is confused and split into two fighting camps, it can be directed into the direction, in which the specialist wants, which creates the prerequisites for the process. This is a broad theme.
I struggled. I struggled against my instincts, against my passions and desires. I tried to suppress them. As a result of that they attacked me more severely from their invulnerable position of the subconsciousness. Such a struggle is doomed to failure from its very beginning. But here I am - a small person, who had decided to outgrow his lower nature and overcome the gravity of his animal consciousness; to succeed in mastering the science of the Insiders; to turn towards the Truth; to look for liberation from his pitiful existence in the illusion of the narrow-mindedness of the game, called life. I opposed with all threads of the will, which I had at disposal. And I did not manage. The enemy was interminably stronger. Actually, my main motive to become a sailor was the fact that there were few women on board and in this way I would manage to overcome my passions, establish myself firmly on the "Road" and change my very being. But, alas - I went through hell, which not everybody had met. I lost my sleep. I felt as if my brain would explode, how the threads of my neuron net were tearing. I yearned for sleep, I died for sleep, but I could not sleep. If I fell asleep, it lasted an hour or two. I awoke and nothing could make me vanish again in the nirvana of the healthy sleep.
Usually, in psychology, insomnia is connected with depression. But I was not in depression. I had unused libido, which showed as sleeplessness as it was not satisfied. And its commodity coverage could happen either by the ordinary way, or by its emptying into the channels of sublimation. But, I did not know the method. Day and night, against my will, my subconsciousness belched out sex - scenes, women’s parts, sexual intercourses, women’s voices during orgasm, woman’s smell, woman’s taste, the energy of the female essence. Each woman turned into Goddess for me. My criteria became lower and lower. And I struggled. I denied what was happening with me. I rejected the impulses of my subconsciousness as something, which is not part of me, something I did not want... I wanted to be over them. I struggled. I was split into two mutually exclusive parts. I did not know that the most reliable way to keep up something is to struggle against it. During the long nights of sleepless staring into myself, I prayed. I prayed to the great Mahatmas, to the protectors of the theosophical society and particularly to one of them. I looked at his portrait. I stared into his big piercing eyes and I prayed to him. I asked him to hear my request and help me. I asked him to lead me firmly on the road of the Truth, even against my will. I also prayed to him for sleep and for defeat over my lower creature.
I think that everything was in its place. The work as a cleaner, which crushed my ego, the sleeplessness, which messed up my subconsciousness and made me clash with my own hell, and the struggle with myself! One learns better through personal experience. Humiliation, spiritual pain, wrong approach towards the subconsiousness - all that were wonderful, but hard lessons for me. I cannot say which was harder for me - the sleeplessness or the horrible states the days after that, or the struggle and the constant failures and painful climbing’s along the slopes of my moral foundations. I visited a doctor - he, as everybody else, asked me about what I was thinking. I told him that I was calm and that I did not miss my relatives, but only my girl-friend. The doctor recommended me finding a girl-friend and going to a gym. I told him that as a cleaner, the few women on board were not within my gregarious powers and they were usually occupied by the lone officers. I compare on purpose the human and animal flocks, because the similarities are much more than the differences. The nurse, a Romanian woman, spitefully sniggering, told me that I knew what I had to do in such a case. I went to a gym, as a result of which I made lots of muscles. However, this did not help my sleep. As for "that I knew what I had to do", as the nurse told, sometimes I did it and I really slept afterwards. But in this way I only deepened my contradictions and moral struggles, and the sensations for decrease in the range and level of awareness were not only subjective. The doctor began to give me tablets and told me to take them carefully, because they were strong and leaded to addiction. I had to take a quarter of a tablet. It was divided into 4 sectors with cuts in order to be easier split. However, I took one whole, and later, two and three tablets at a time. I began to enter the clinic at night to get pills. As result of that I got into deep dizziness, but in spite of this, I did not sleep. It was a nightmare.
During my vacation in Bulgaria I turned back to intensive sexual life with my girl-friend and my sleep, as if called by a magic wand, turned back. Bliss! During my second contract, I got a promotion, a better job, and I slept better. With my third contract, I changed the company and my work. The conditions of life and work at "Royal Caribbean" were totally different from those at the Greek Company. I completely chucked up the struggle with my instinct nature, and even got to know Mexican women intimately. My sleep stabilized.
However, my soul was seeking. It was seeking the Truth and was not satisfied only by the theoretical formulations of the books from the various schools, which I had read. When I truly decided to take the "path" of personal experiences in the field of the esoteric school, I clashed with the wall of my own subconsciousness! I catched insomnia, which almost killed me. I had nights, not one or two, on which I went to the mooring deck. The engine rumbles there with countless decibels and nothing can be heard. Unlike the American Company, for which I worked afterwards, there were no cameras on the ship of the Greek Company. Without worrying that I would be taken for mad, I went to the deck and I was shouting. I was shouting as loud as I can. I felt relieved. I was shouting with spite, despair, pain, hardship, request, rage, wail for mercy. I remained complete. i.e. I did not go crazy, thanks only to the severe efforts of my consciousness to survive.
At first, sleeplessness makes you neurotic, then unsettles your psyche, after which it kills. In the literal sense of the word, it physically kills. Only one, who has experienced chronic insomnia for several years, can understand me. Whenever I turned back to my usual life and habits, I slept normally, but my strive for progress on the road of investigation of consciousness and life remained only at the theoretical level!
For many years I had practiced tantric sex without ejaculation, but I did not have a basis of comparison and that is why I strove for going through celibacy, too. The genuine human being inside me was looking for something more. However, my approach was wrong. I was to learn one totally different model of mastering the consciousness, which to allow me to follow my life course! The method of sublimation, of transformation, of the cognitive graft! I learned it in Canada. My consciousness was already prepared for it during the years of clashes and contradictions, of doomed to loss struggle with my lower nature! By that moment I had visited over 30 countries. I got to know the habits and way of thinking of the people all over the world. And there really is difference between the structure of consciousness of the east and west, of the north and south inhabitants of our planet!
This is how the life of a sailor looked like during the three years, spent on the amusement tourist ships out at the world seas and oceans!
One very powerful approach for maintaining one’s ignorance, his/her distancing from Knowledge and his/her manipulation! The splitting of two people, opposing their interests, working them up on each other, inciting them to war. Thrown in the whirl of war, exhausted and shaken up to the bottom of their very beings, they are ready to any solution, proposed by a third power, which is always the same one that has edited the collision. Now, the same power proposes them a rescue. According to its interests, the one or the other nation wins, or armistice is achieved, which unites them both, or vast economical and law changes are executed in accordance with the desire of the puppeteer, in whose hands both countries are. Frequently, both parties are not separate countries, but two groups of countries, united in two competitive camps. In this way the tension, evoking blindness, ignorance and madness, needed by the leaders of the drama, is maintained in order the human flock to be kept in submission and slavery. But, here, we entered in the sphere of political manipulation... On principle, the same approach, but at one even deeper level, is proclaimed by all exoteric religions. Because they are always a weapon in the hands of the rulers, and they, from their side, are guided by the same backstage powers. I underline again, I do not use notions from the type of good and evil, white and black. I only see the cause and effect relations and present my opinion on what is happening within the range of my cognitive system. Perhaps, looked from a higher position, the horrors of wars, as well as the tragedy of the separate creatures, torn by the psychological-manipulative strategies of the rulers, are excused in the name of the profit and functioning of the whole. I cannot take the risk of assessing or even giving an opinion on processes, which go beyond the position, where I am - the position of a prisoner in a narrow cage with five sense openings and strongly limited protein exponent of the consciousness - the brain...
How the exoteric side of each religion, which serves as a sieve for those, who do not manage to pass through the reflections of its distorting mirrors, until they set upright the mirrors of their own minds, in order to fathom the threads of knowledge, which hide behind its misleading messages, operate? The splitting, about which we talked above, is transferred to a deeper level, the level of the individual consciousness. The phenomena of the complex creature - the man - are split into two parts: Good and Evil! All thoughts, feelings and instincts, which are of animal nature, and namely: fear, anger and hate, envy, jealousy, greed, gluttony, lust, etc. are announced for "evil"! All manifestations of creation, love tender selfless feelings, light altruistic sublime thoughts are announced for "good"! "Well, what? - somebody will ask! - What about that? Isn’t it exactly so? Aren’t the impulses of the animal, in which we are locked, a reason for all our misfortunes? Aren’t all sublime thoughts, feelings and deeds, the same, which bring us happiness and determine us as people?" Yes, it is so! It is exactly so! However, the thing that is decisive for our prosperity and development is the relation and interaction between them both, because they are inextricably bound in our organism!
What do the exoteric systems in each psychological-religious system propose to us? They propose the direct opposing of the two essences in the man. They propose struggle! Both of these essences can be divided into three, five, seven, twelve, forty-nine ones - but for convenience and simplifying of the subject, we divided them into two! Those who propose the struggle method know what they aim at. One, who sincerely seeks, starts striving towards purity, absolute purity. The organization of the human cognitive apparatus works so that as soon as the thoughts, feelings and impulses turn towards the delicate spheres, in direct ratio to the strive upwards, the opposite impulses of penetrating of energy, desires and thoughts into the lower nature activate at once. This is a fact, well known by everyone, who has sincerely strove towards the purity, light and love in question! As soon as consciousness turns to superconsciousness, to the higher regions, which are to be investigated by him/her, another part of his/her consciousness penetrates downwards into the subconsciousness and evokes in him/her equal by quantity and opposite by quality content! Like a seed, which grows up, consciousness simultaneously buds tender leaves up towards the light and takes root down into the darkness and moister of the earth, in the opposite direction. The seeker wishes the Truth, set out for it, but without knowing the facts for the structure of his/her psyche and the way of its functioning! One sets out for Love, and after a while such a lust awakens in him/her, which nobody has felt before that. One turns towards selflessness and altruism, and horribly finds out in him/her envy and jealousy, which he/she has never thought that he/she may experience. The seeker dares to search for calmness and gratitude, and soon animal rage and hate boil in him/her; destructiveness, which horrifies even him/her! One says to himself/herself: "May be I am exclusively shady, unusually evil and vicious! Never mind, next time I will manage!" And one tries, strives, prays, meditates, purifies himself/herself. And the more he/she is persistent and determined in his/her efforts, the more his/her failures and manifestations of the animal in him/her are painful! He/she does not understand - goes on striving, struggles, tries to suppress the impulses of the awaken subconsciousness. Sometimes he/she manages and is satisfied. But, it does not last long. Like a vessel under pressure, the cover of his/her will slips away and all oppressed, suppressed impulses of the animal explode. He/she falls down, sins, does exactly the opposite of what he strives for so sincerely. If he/she succeeds in suppressing the libido and the relative feelings and thoughts for a longer time, he/she will certainly develop either perversion, or neurosis, and he/she may also reach to complete psychosis, i.e. insanity. At a weaker strive, the personal disorder, i.e. the psychopathy (characterpathy), is obligatory... During the whole time one sincere seeker tries with all his/her heart, with all his/her power, intellect and will to follow the behests of his/her higher impulses, wise men’s words, the directions of the study, which he/she has chosen to follow, but he/she always falls, always! This is a fight, doomed to failure from the very beginning. The more resolute and determined the disciple is, the stronger he/she desires his/her own moving forward along the road of development of his/her psyche and penetrating into the life laws, the more violent his/her downfalls are and more painful his/her wounds, which he/she causes to himself/herself by them and by the remorse after the failures, are! This painful process may continue for a life time sometimes, and depending on the degree of sincerity and the strength of the efforts, pro rata mental disorders develop! The irritated and awakened animal, the subconsciousness, the old partitions of the brain give off impulses, equal to the search of development of the higher undeveloped partitions of the cortex, of the superconsciousness. The disciple who strives towards spiritual progress does not accept the passions, which attack him/her with doubled strength. Passions, unknown to the ordinary person without strives towards spiritual development! The disciple strives, kills himself/herself with contradictions! Each unwanted by him/her thought, he/she suppresses and pushes out into his/her subconsciousness, from where they operate even stronger and develop mental and even physical diseases in him/her! He/she thinks that his/her will is too weak and because of that he/she does not succeed. Actually, the stronger the will is and is used in this horrible approach, the worse he/she falls and wounds himself/herself! If such a person or group of people has a "spiritual" leader, they can be manipulated in any way, convenient to their leader! Torn into two incompatible parts, which, however, cannot run from each other, the consciousness of the one who seeks cannot run anywhere, except in, progressing by the degree of their deepening, mental disorders, as follows: psychopathy (personal disorder), perversions, neurosis, psychosis! Such a consciousness is ready to accept any outer solution by the person, whom he/she believes. It is ready to accept even the most absurd and brutal proposals, which will be a temporary solution for his/her internal tragedy and, although for a while, a break from his/her hopeless struggle! Such a person or group of people can be easily turned into religious fanatics, ready to kill even their parents in the name of the ill cause of their leader! Divide and rule! Tear the human consciousness from inside through the "sublime" ideas, which you inculcate into his/her mind and it will be ready to execute each of your commands, if only it does not realize in what a trap it has failed into! But, only few become aware. It is required quite a lot perspicacity, information and internal intuition, in order the one, who has started, with completely sincere intentions, on one seemingly higher road to get out of the trap of manipulation, of the means for keeping in blindness, submission and control! The most harmless way out from such a striving, sustained by the really devilish method of the struggle, splitting, is withdrawal from the efforts and turning back to the "normal" life of the human flock! A life, doomed to ignorance and blind submission, flock psyche and complete submission to the meanness! And such a withdrawal happens frequently. Actually, it is preferred rather than to the progressive development of mental diversions with progressing strength. Quite frequently, the seeker stops at one variant of compromise, when he/she partly satisfies the impulses of his/her subconsciousness and to some extent, he/she continues to strive for a higher aim, to strive at least theoretically! In this way he/she sustains a compromise, which keeps him/her at the degree of psychopathy or neurosis, without reaching to complete insanity! Such are most of the religious fanatics, terrorists, kamikazes, sadists and killers. That is what the struggle with the "lower" nature, with the roots in us, with that part of us, which is an integral part of our entire creature and which we have to learn to tame, use, to become friends with it, leads to. Some of the seekers manage to pass through the sieve of the wrong, correct at first sight, method, which, however, dooms them to failure and anguish. These few seekers, with the help of their intuition, on the basis of selfinvestigations, appropriate literature and personal painful experience, manage to comprehend the correct method - the one of the sublimation, transformation, mental graft, as the Bulgarian wise men Peter Danov and his disciple Michail Ivanov put it! Perhaps, the really painful, wounding and leading only to the consulting room of the psychologist methods, taught by the external exoteric school of the religion, have its place by serving as a sieve for the seekers with good intuition, persistence and clear, capable of critical selfinvestigation, mind. May be our little pain does not mean much for the creatures, who, in fact, control our fortunes. Everything ought to have a likely explanation. I do not dare to judge, and I do not have the right. I just debate in my mind and share impartially experience and processes, about which I know mainly from personal experience.
When you struggle, when you reject part of yourself, the vicious circle of desperate climbing and painful crash does not stop spinning! The struggle itself keeps up the weaknesses and the unwanted sides of the character, actions and impulses.
For example, you decide: "I will observe celibacy from today - for three months!". The first days everything flows smoothly. The consciousness is clear and turned to the aim, no matter what it is. However, gradually, the libido piles up. We do not know how to work it off psycho-physically and we reject it. The Eros, however, continues to grow and piles up. We are stubborn and struggle against the evoked by it thoughts and feelings. As a result of that, they penetrate into the consciousness, into "IT", into our shadow. From there, their impulses become much more powerful and operate unconsciously, elusively, and their commands are powerfully obsessive-compulsive! The consciousness is felt less and less and weaker and weaker under the pressure of the unbearably pushing impulses of the urge. No matter how he/she tries to protect from them, no matter what barriers he/she puts, the libido is like a powerful river, which cannot be stopped. If one continues to persist, struggle and dissociate from his/her sexual power and the evoked by it passions and thoughts, as it was mentioned above, the possible results are two: either submission and fulfillment of its impulses or prolonging of the struggle and progressing and intensifying mental disease - neurosis and insanity.
However, there is a better, a third way out of the situation - this is the transformation, sublimation, or as the great psychologists Peter Danov and his disciple Michail Ivanov call it - a Spiritual Graft.
© Orlin Baev